Of course we went to Disneyland Paris! We both discovered our love of Disneyland late in life, thanks to some incredibly eye-and-heart-opening experiences guided by our very wise friends. Jessie, Clarko, and Brad held my hands on my first walk down Main Street in 2012 and I was forever changed. Patrick and I have loved visiting Disneyland in California over the past few years, so we could not pass up the opportunity to experience a little foreign Disney Magic™!

The official Disneyland Hotels were $$$$ so we booked a budget hotel which had a free, 5-minute, on-demand shuttle to the parks. Score! We checked into our hotel and spent the afternoon shopping for Disneyland supplies (fresh sneakers and artisanal granola bars). I hadn't had a haircut since March and my head-mop situation was getting dire, so in a very spontaneous moment I decided to get a mall-basement haircut. The hairdresser didn't speak English, and I speak about 10 words of French (mostly food-related) so we communicated via iPhone photos and hand motions. The haircut took about 5 minutes and involved an electric razor and texturizing scissors. Sure, whatever! It was shorter and cost €17, so mission accomplished. I think.

We spent the evening walking around Disney Village (like Downtown Disney in California), checking out the overwhelming souvenir shops, Lego store, and American chain restaurants. We stopped into Annette's Diner (named after Annette Funicello, natch), a 50’s Americana themed joint to split a vanilla shake and basket of fries. It was all very Happy Days until half-way through our basket we watched, open-mouthed, as this monstrosity walked by. We took that as our cue to get the hell out of there.

The next morning, BRIGHT AND EARLY, we got to the Disneyland gates at 9:00am, right as they opened. We walked down Main Street, but it wasn’t Main Street, it was an uncanny-vally-twilight-zone-backwards-town Main Street. My brain kept telling me, “We’re on Main Street in Disneyland in California!”, but then instead of the Gibson Girl Ice Cream Parlor there was some other weird store.

Simultaneously fun and trippy. We ogled all the pretty shops and then saw the castle. And holy shit, the castle.

It’s SO MUCH bigger than the one in California. And it’s on a hill, and has little forced-perspective trees around it which definitely helps it appear larger. It made the California castle look like a fancy dog house.

Also, getting some serious Sagrada Familia vibes from the interior architecture.

We spent the day checking out every single attraction that was open (half of them were closed) and marveling at all the little differences between Disneyland Paris and Disneyland in California.

Main Differences:

Disneyland Paris is fancy. $5.5 billion dollars fancy. Disney poured a ton of money into Disneyland Paris and it shows. The attention to every single ornate detail is mind boggling. For example, Disneyland Paris has two enormous Arcades (Liberty Arcade and Discovery Arcade), chock full of delightful surprises.

They are completely unnecessary, and completely stunning.

They also have this totally incredible and gigantic zeppelin, just hangin out, for no reason other than it looks AWESOME.

The cast members are not jazzed. Disneyland in California is staffed by some of the most lovely people I’ve ever met. They truly care about Disneyland and your experience. In Paris, not so much. 99% of our interactions with cast members felt like talking to the ultra-bored teens who usually staff the state fair. Most of the cast members gave us the impression they were just waiting for their shift to end. I went to First Aid to ask for an antihistamine (I was having an allergy attack - fun!) and the nurses were straight up rude.

They have a real dragon. Yeah, watch out Daenerys, you’re not the only one with dragons.

Ok so it’s not actually alive, but the animatronics/lighting/effects are SO GOOD and you can get SO CLOSE to it, it feels like it’s real. It was one of my favorite attractions in the whole park.

Space Mountain hurts. Like actually hurts. The cars/safety harnesses aren't designed properly so your head involuntarily bangs from side to side in a violent way. After our third time on that ride my body’s instinct was to cry because it had been hurt so suddenly and quickly. Veryyyyyy weird feeling to experience after coming off of a ride in The Happiest Place On Earth, no? The theming is also confusing.

You’re being shot out of a steampunk cannon into… space? The interior line experience mixes astronomy, an old-timey ammunition company, and outer space?

Pirates of the Caribbean is backwards. Like the boat goes backwards? No. The order of the ride is backwards. The first time it feels trippy, but by the second time you’re totally into it.

The line area was masterfully themed as well, as opposed to the sad chain-rope-line-maze outside Pirates in California.

One of the times we rode it we accidentally got a boat all to ourselves which was fantastic. The ride is so much more spooky when you’re not surrounded by chatty randos. I joked with Patrick that we could do anything we wanted (hand stuff) but instead we quietly sang a little song we made up called “Own Boat”. Definitely a dream come true.

In lieu of the Blue Bayou, the themed restaurant inside Pirates is called the Blue Lagoon and it is AWESOME. It's a bit like Trader Sams and serves tiki drinks.

Indiana Jones et le Temple du Péril is le horrible. Indiana Jones is one my favorite rides in Disneyland, and this one was one of the bummeriest bummers in bummertown. It’s a crappy Wild Mouse style outdoor roller coaster that is loosely camping themed. It was total garbage. It’s hidden in the outskirts of the park and has a 0 minute line all the time. It was like going to see the the Radio City Rockettes Christmas Spectacular, but when you got there it was just some old dude doing hand puppets. Yeah NO THANKS.

Dapper Dan’s is an actual barber shop. Patrick purposely put off getting a haircut so he could get one at Dapper Dan’s Hair Cuts - an actual barber shop in Disneyland. So all excited, we walked over to Dapper Dan’s and it was closed. Nooooooooo. We asked a cast member working in the adjacent store and she said "It iz closed today. He iz sick." So we asked, "Who is sick? Dan?”, and she said "hmeh" (some kind of passive French sound). So we're super bummed, but luckily we’re in Disneyland and there’s a million other things to do. At the end of the day we go to City Hall and Patrick asks, "Dapper Dan's was closed today. Will it be open tomorrow?" And the City Hall cast member says, "It waz open today. 10:30-7:00". And we're like, ”Did the shop girl lie to us?!” So we explain our story, while another guy goes into a back room to "check". He comes back to confirm Dapper Dan's WAS closed today and the guy WAS home sick but he said he'll be in tomorrow. "There iz just one guy who doez it, so if he iz not here, it doez not happen." We asked, "Is his name Dan?”, and the City Hall cast member says "I do not know hiz name." It was bizarre.

Haunted Mansion is called Phantom Manor. It’s located in Frontierland, looks like Bates Manor from Psycho, and tells the story of a Miss Havisham-style killer bride (Melanie Ravenswood) seeking revenge on her groom who stood her up on her wedding day. It’s designed to be scarier and more derelict than the Haunted Mansion. Alarmingly, two months before we went, the body of a cast member was found inside the attraction. Disney reported, “He had been working on lighting backstage and his death is understood to have been accidental and due to electrocution,” but maybe Melanie Ravenswood finally got her revenge.

There’s a non-exclusive Club 33. It’s not actually Club 33, it’s called Walt’s, but it looks like pre-reno Club 33. It feels super special, the food is fancy and expensive, the service is wonderfully overdone, and the views over Main Street are awesome.

I actually liked it better than Club 33, because when I’m at Club 33 I feel like I'm trespassing. I feel like the cast members are bummed that a non-member-bozo such as myself is there, and they hope I’ll hurry up and leave already. I know that’s probably just mostly my insecurities, but I felt more relaxed at Walt’s. Oh, they also have a DOPE old-timey glass elevator.

They have an amazing “under-water” Nautilus walk-through. Instead of that dumb Nemo Submarine sadventure, you can walk through Captain Nemo’s submarine from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

The attention to detail is INCREDIBLE (again with the huge budget).

We spent like 30 minutes in there just looking at everything.

They don’t have Dole Whip or churros. I know, like what’s even the point of going. I don’t understand this at all. You can buy churros at the Eiffel Tower, but not in Disneyland? Blasphemy.

Mostly everything else from Disneyland is the same. City Hall, the Railroad,

“it’s a small world”, Jedi Training Academy,

the Carrousel, the Tea Cups,

Autopia,

Buzz Lightyear’s zip zap ride, etc.

The fireworks show was stunning, as always,

and the projection mapping on the castle was really well done.

Unfortunately due to all the closures there was a ton of stuff we didn’t get to check out, but that just gives us an even better excuse to go back!

Walt Disney Studios

Instead of California Adventure, Disneyland Paris has Walt Disney Studios, a Hollywood-themed park featuring behind-the-scenes looks at “how movies are made” and also all the Pixar rides. Yeah, it didn’t make sense to us either. But at any rate, this is where all the good thrill rides are secretly kept.

Crush’s Coaster is incredible. It’s a spinning roller coaster that is both indoors and outdoors, and features dark ride special effects.

It was wonderful. One of my favorite rides ever. I wish they would put this in California Adventure.

The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror is almost exactly the same. It’s roughly 25’ shorter than the Tower in California, but still has an 130 foot drop at 39 mph. Same story, same aesthetic treatment. The only difference is everyone screams in French. Fun fact: due to French construction codes the Tower was built using concrete instead of steel like in California and Florida. This ended up costing over €180 million and delayed construction. Oops.

Ratatouille shows off the tech. The new Ratatouille attraction is an immersive trackless 3D dark ride, where you sit in a “Ratmobile” and shrink down to the size of a rat and run though Gusteau’s restaurant. It opened in 2014, cost an estimated €270 million (deep breaths), and really showcases Disney’s latest imagineering magic. The Fast Passes disappear immediately, and the line hovers around 50-70 minutes, but we went through the single-rider line, walked right on to the ride and sat together. We did this three times. Hacks!

They nailed Gusteau’s Restaurant. Bistrot Chez Remy is the Rattatouille-themed restaurant in La Place de Rémy, the Ratatouille-themed area in Walt Disney Studios. Upon entering the restaurant you walk down a hallway where you “shrink down to the size of a rat” so upon entering the dining room you’re seeing the world from a rat’s perspective.

Champagne cages serve as chairs, jam lids are tables, plates are booth dividers, forks are coat racks, drink parasols are table umbrellas, and Christmas twinkle lights are the primary overhead light fixtures.

The imagination behind the decor is really well done. I spent a lot of time away from our table checking out all the details. The French food (foie gras, steak frites, red wine, etc) is authentic, (“after all Miss, this is France!”), expensive, and pretty good for Disney parks food. 

We really enjoyed our time here - the whole experience felt really special. I do think it’s funny that Disneyland Paris has a Paris-themed area of the park (recursion!) but I guess it’s the same as a California-themed park in California (California Adventure).

RC Racer was surprisingly awesome. It’s a giant U shaped rollercoaster where you’re swinging 180 degrees back and forth at a fairly high speed. I loved it. Unfortunately the line was SUPER LONG, and it didn’t have a fast pass, so we only got to ride it once.

Studio Tram Tour: Behind the Magic aka How Is This Still A Thing. You sit in a little tram and go for a “behind the scenes tour of a Hollywood movie set”. It’s SOOOO dated, and just seems like an excuse for tired parents to sit down for 15 minutes. Hopefully they take this thing down soon and put in something better, because it takes up a LOT of space.

Rock ’n’ Roller Coaster starring Aerosmith. Yeah, Aerosmith. This is another ride clearly showing it’s age. Fortunately it was closed so we didn’t have to ride it. Our friend Dan said it was super loud and you just get a bunch of dust blown in your eyes. Woof.

Armageddon - Les Effects Spéciaux. Again, Armageddon? Come on guys. Refresh time!

Moteurs…Action! Stunt Show Spectacular was impressive but long. If you like watching impossibly cool French stunt drivers do highly synchronized car and bike tricks, then this is the show for you.

The driving was entertaining and impressive, but the show was was only 15 minutes of tricks spread out through a 45 minute show. 

If they could edit this down to a tight 20 minutes it would be awesome.

All in all, we had a wonderful two days. It was really cool to see another Disney park and take a short break from reality.

Sadly, our original train was canceled due to a SCNF strike (France!), but we were able to simply take a later one. This meant we had to cut our Perpignan visit short and had to drive straight to Marseille. Overall, not a terrible problem.

Once in Marseille we checked into the Mama Shelter, which was a damn delight. Maja had recently signed up for a Tablet Plus subscription which we used to book this, and it ended up scoring us an upgraded room and free breakfast. Hell yes.

Side note: I may have mentioned this before, but since long term travel involves making so many decisions every day, we've started opting for – on short stay – lodging that includes breakfast. Sometimes (though not often) it's a better deal than going out, and it always makes mornings way way easier. The Tablet Plus subscription fit very well with this.

The hotel was very hip and young and chill, kind of like a French Ace Hotel. The room came with superhero masks and an iMac that doubled as the TV, though it seems most guests used it to send webcam snapshots of themselves to the (huge, cool) lobby bar.

We spent the next day wandering around Marseille, having lunch by the marina and stocking up on various supplies at the nearby mall. Surprisingly, we saw the place we had lunch in the newspaper the next week – it was in the background of the soccer riots that followed from the Russia/England Euro 2016 match that would take place there after we left.

The next day, we drove eastward to Nice, the southern France vacation hot spot. We stayed a cute little hotel just off the beach (Hôtel Les Cigales) and spent the evening wandering the promenade and eating on the roof bar of a cute little restaurant who's name I will never remember in a million years. The city was all decked out for the Euro 2016 matches that would be played there. It was super cool and beautiful to see. I ran around in the fountains which I think embarrassed Maja, but oh well, she's stuck with me now. (Hi guys, this is Maja, it didn't, I laughed my butt off and put it on Snapchat)

Nice definitely feels like France's domestic vacation hotspot. The beach, the party atmosphere, the all-around chill attitude of the people. It doesn't feel as busy (or dingy) as Marseille, but it certainly has many more tourists.

From Nice we kept heading east, mostly just to pop in to Monaco to say hi. We parked and walked around the lavish and beautiful and vertical city, had a €40 ham and cheese at the cafe in front of the Casino Monte-Carlo, and left. It was stupid and great.

After Monaco we charted a course up through Sisteron and Gap through to Grenoble. The drive was really lovely. We mostly stayed off the highways (thanks, Google Maps "Avoid Tolls" feature!) and saw tons of beautiful scenery – mostly mountains and lakes – while we listened to various podcasts and Hamilton on repeat.

Grenoble was really cool. It's not quite small enough to be called a "mountain town" – it's a college city and major research hub. (Tech-friends may know that Apple will open – or has opened – an advanced imaging lab there.) We stayed a very design-y hotel called the OKKO which was fun. Any hotel that offers you a free beer in the lounge on arrival is A-OK in my books. We had definitely made it far from the beaten tourist track though – we saw literally no other tourists there and I got to do most of the communication as very few of the locals spoke English.

I'd love to go back to Grenoble some day. It seemed like there was a lot of fun outdoors stuff nearby, and the mountain views from all over the city were incredible. I bet it's good fun in the winter. For this trip, we only spent a day, and then it was onwards!

Our next stop wasn't far – we swung through Chambéry to drop by a knife museum. What? Well, let me explain. When I was a kid I had this little folding knife that I used to fight over the ownership of with my brother. It was an Opinel knife – legendary in France, these cheap but super durable and useful pocket knives are all over the place there. We eventually lost the knife, which in retrospect was probably for the best, since who the hell gives a kid a folding knife? Let alone one that has to be shared by two competitive brothers? Anyway, I decided since we were so close to the source, now would be a good time to replace it.

We arrived at the Opinel museum around the same time as a bus full of adorable elderly French people. We skirted past them and checked out all the cool old history of the Opinel company – one of the few 100+ year old companies that still does the thing which it was founded for. We landed in the gift shop which housed every kind of knife they make, from the mini pocket knives to the huge machetes. I got one to replace the one we lost, and sent one to my brother at home. One more thing we no longer have to fight about.

Side note: The knife I bought for myself I forgot to mail home, and left in my bag when we went through CDG airport security. No worries though – they didn't notice!

We hit the road soon after and continued north to Geneva, Switzerland. We had a sort of funny moment when we arrived in Switzerland where we were pulled over by the immigration control / police at the border checkpoint. We thought "oh no, they are going to search us, or otherwise give us a hard time" but nope – they just required us to buy a highway pass, which I had forgotten was necessary in Switzerland. We haggled but had no luck, and had to pay €60 or so for a sticker to let us drive on all the toll roads. Ah well.

When we arrived we decided that although the road had been beautiful, we were Driving Too Much and needed a break. A couple days in Geneva, a city we enjoyed from the moment we arrive, would be great. Also, Maja had caught another cold, which was also a good reason to take it easy for a little while. One great recommendation: Birdie.

Geneva is impossible to talk about without mentioning how expensive everything was. Kebabs and street pizza were priced in the mid-teens of Swiss Francs, a currency with near parity to the US dollar. Entrees at even "cheap" restaurants were in the twenties. We ended up mostly staying in our hotel, planning more of the trip, catching up on email and blogs, and generally having Internet Time.

One cool thing we did do was drive out to CERN and visit the Large Hadron Collider and the exhibits there, which was extremely nerdy and cool. They had lots of interesting stuff on display, from data tapes that held real test data to the NeXT cube that Tim Berners-Lee wrote the first web browser on. It was awesome.

Our last stop before heading to Disneyland Paris (which deserves and will get its own post) was in Beaune. We didn't really know anything about it before arriving, and chose it mainly because it made sense as a good place to stop on our trip. We were very, very pleasantly surprised!

Beaune is a small (20,000-ish residents) walled city in Burgundy. Not only did it feature cool architecture, it had plenty of small restaurants to keep us fed and happy. The real star though was the bed and breakfast we stayed in – Les Chambres De L'Imprimerie. Marie and her husband Seb were super nice and welcoming and their Bed and Breakfast was so far the coolest and nicest we've stayed in on our trip. Marie makes jam of various odd flavors – I ended up buying a jar of pineapple jam that was devoured before we left Paris. We didn't expect it at all, but our stay here ended up being a surprise highlight of our driving tour.

In retrospect, it probably would have been a lot better to plan all of our stops much further in advance. Because of our lack of planning, this road trip cost much more than we would have liked, mostly due to our impromptu stay in Geneva, and we spent a lot of time researching places to go and things to do instead of actually doing them. We also ended up eating and staying at quite a few places out of convenience instead of desire. While this isn't at all a horrible problem to have, we both felt it would have been more prudent to plan ahead. Noted for the future!

After leaving Beaune, it was only a short drive to Chessy, where we ditched our car and checked in to a nearby hotel for a few days of EuroDisneyland Paris adventures!

After two short visits to Seville and Madrid, we booked five days in Barcelona. The city has always received rave reviews from friends and family, so we wanted to give ourselves time to explore.

We booked an Airbnb in Vila de Gracia, the main core of Old Town. More narrow, cobbled streets with tiny sidewalks and itty bitty local shops. The apartment was fifty shades of beige and full of tired Ikea furniture, but had good wifi, air conditioning, and a washing machine (our three top amenities of choice) so we were pleased.

We took a quick spin around the neighborhood to get our bearings, had some tapas at a little sidewalk cafe, did a grocery shop (I giddily picked out fresh cherries and donut peaches while Patrick laughed at the local cereals), and returned to our apartment to relax for a quiet evening in.

Around 6pm we heard a small bang, then another, and another, and another. They sounded like little explosions, like a small car backfiring. We poked our heads outside and saw a group of boys, roughly 8-10 years old, lighting off pocket-sized fireworks and throwing them at each other. Nearby, a bench was filled with uninterested, chain-smoking parents. Huh. This delightful dodge-the-fireworks game continued for the next three hours. And then again, every night we were there.

One of Barcelona's many attractions is the famous architectural works of Antoni Gaudí. If you're unfamiliar please spend a minute or two reading about him - his inventions, style, and body of work are incredible. As you'll see, photos of his buildings are kind of incomprehensible. They need to be seen in person to be understood. So my first stop on my self-guided Gaudí tour was his magnum opus - the Sagrada Família. This massive, towering Gothic/Art Noveau church is one of the most incredible architectural undertakings in the history of the world. I don't know enough about church design to describe how insane this building is, so you'll just have to go to Barcelona and see it. And it's not even finished! They broke ground in 1882, and 134 years later are still working on it. They hope to have it completed in 2026 - 100 years after Gaudí's ridiculous death (he was hit by a tram, no one knew who he was so he didn't receive immediate medical attention, and when someone finally identified him, it was too late).

I felt excited, uneasy, and anxious as I walked towards the church. It is just so massive and complex it's very existence seems to defy reality.  As I walked through the doors I felt like I needed to be quiet, like I was walking into the Cave of Wonders, and at any moment the lion's mouth could close and trap me inside forever.

The building felt alive, like it was growing and breathing, a sleeping giant made of stone and glass. I was in love, I was in shock, I was in awe.

I circled the ground floor multiple times, trying to take in all the details. I took an elevator up the tower on the Nativity Facade and took in the sights of the city from above.

Then I began the slow climb down the endless, narrow spiraling stairs to the ground floor.

There isn't an inside wall or handrail to keep you from falling down the center spiral of the stairs, so it's quite a stomach-lurching experience. One of the coolest experiences of the trip by far.

After my religious experience I met up with Patrick at Restaurante Gut. A tiny lunch spot specializing in organic/vegetarian/vegan food. The place was filled with locals (which felt awesome) and our food was delicious and cheap. Win win.

After our healthy lunch we indulged in some delicious cinnamon rolls from Sil's Cakes - an American-style bakery specializing in ridiculous American-themed cakes (ie. Oreo cheesecake), and iced coffees from Syra Coffee. The coffee at Syra was so good we went back at least once every single day.

Still riding my high from the Sagrada Familia I needed another hit of Gaudí. I visited La Pedrera, and then Casa Batlló - two of Gaudí's famous apartment buildings. Seeing how this genius' building style translated between the Sagrada Familia and residential buildings was incredible.

The spaces were etherial and strange, but everything just made sense. The attic of La Pedrera has been transformed into a Gaudí museum, explaining his process, showing his architectural models, and sources of inspiration. I was in heaven. I was so high I bought an architecture textbook.

I met back up with Patrick at Cal Boter, a no-nonsense traditional Catalonian restaurant down the street from our apartment. We had gazpacho, grilled corn, roasted artichokes, black Catalan sausage, and a bottle of rioja. The staff laughed along with our bad Spanish, and everything was delicious. I was even able to contribute a leftover Moroccan dirham note to their wall of foreign money. Awesome evening.

The next two days were filled by casually wandering the streets and exploring the city. A few of our highlights were:

Passeig de Gràcia - The main shopping street in Barcelona. It's super wide with trees and fountains down the center, and every high0end retail store you could ever need. One afternoon a vandal tagged the fronts of a number of stores which caused quite a stir.

Barcelona Cathedral - Open since 1420. As Patrick pointed out, " That's 350 years older than your country!".  The gothic exterior is really impressive.

Waterfront - Walking along the waterfront was a nice break from the crowded streets. We saw the Ulysses, Graeme Hart's (richest man in New Zealand) 351-ft super yacht. It made all the other yachts in the harbor look like row boats. [Just learned he put it up for sale in July for $195m to make way for his new 380-ft yacht?!]

Arc de Triomf - Hey did you guys know there's an Arc de Triomf in Barcelona? Neither did we! We were walking through the park and saw it and had one of those all too common which-city-are-we-in moments.

Qu Qu - The Passeig de Gràcia has tons of sidewalks cafes where you can spend the afternoon munching on tapas and drinking goblets of sangria. We settled in at Qu Qu and spent a few hours people-watching. Super fun.

Picasso Museum - We went on free-admission day which was great because we saved $25 on tickets, but the place was PACKED with a rowdy crowd. Museum etiquitte went out the window as people were talking loudly, bumping into other patrons, and taking tons of selfies in front of the art. Seeing all 58 pieces of his Las Meninas series next to each other was super cool.

Toto - Totally gorgeous restaurant with totally underwhelming food. Skip dinner and just grab a drink at the bar so you can enjoy the ambiance.

Lo Pinyol -We loved this very hip, teeny tiny, restaurant. We sat on little stools around a small table, crammed in with a bunch of other people sitting around small tables, enjoying wave after wave of tapas. Patatas bravas, stuffed olives, empanadillas, salted cod with tomatoes, padrón peppers, tortilla española, and more delicious rioja. I highly recommend this place

Kibuka Sushi- Wanting a little break from tapas we went to this great, authentic Japanese restaurant. Everything was delicious, it was packed with locals, and the ambiance was super chill and relaxed. Loved this place.

We really liked Barcelona but it wasn't one of our favorite cities. Seville and Madrid seemed to have much stronger cultural identities. Barcelona felt a little too westernized - a little too generic. Definitely fun to visit, but I'd return to Seville before Barcelona.

After a criminally short stay in Seville we hopped the train to Madrid - a quick 2.5hr ride. Our Airbnb was a small, brightly colored loft on a busy street downtown. The neighborhood felt urban and metropolitan - like downtown San Francisco. Our very friendly host gave us a quick explanation of the city’s highlights, we threw a load of laundry in the machine, and headed out to explore.

Madrid is a very walkable city. It felt really clean and regal, like Madrid was proud to be Madrid. We saw flamenco dancers performing in the street, a ton of super cute dogs, and happy people everywhere.

Our first stop was the Museo Nacional Centro de Arte Reina Sofia, which was enormous and gorgeous. Housed in a beautiful 18th-century hospital with an $103M expansion added in 2005, the building is a cool mix of old and new. The museum features mostly 20th-century Spanish art with huge Dalí and Picasso collections. We spent a long time ogling Picasso's Guernica which is fucking incredible. At 11' tall and 26' wide, the thing is MASSIVE. It's beautifully presented in it's own room, and just really, really impressive.  

We had dinner one night at Bosco de Lobos, a gorgeous modern restaurant tucked inside a garden hidden in the center of the city. We didn't read about it online or anything, we were just walking down a side street, saw a cute garden, and poked our heads in. I love stumbling upon cool places like that - feels more special somehow. Our evening was so lovely I completely forgot to take pictures.

Jessie recommended we check out El Corte Ingles - an impressively thorough department store. This place has everything. It’s like Macy’s when Macy’s still gave a fuck. Floors upon floors of clothes, home goods, furniture, food, and everything in between. The top floor is a giant fancy food court filled with culinary options from around the world. We had some dim sum and took in the views from the roof terrace. After lunch we took the escalators down, stoping on every floor to marvel the endless shelves of goods. We picked up a UV filter for my camera, and a Space Pen for Patrick. Pretty successful afternoon stop.

On one of our explore-the-city-strolls we passed a really gorgeous hotel and thought "Ooo, is this some cool independent Spanish hotel?". It was The Ritz. Of course. We decided to stop in to enjoy some afternoon tea in the garden. The garden was really fancy. Like, fancy fancy. Like, we shouldn’t have been allowed in. All the other guests were older, dignified vacationers, or very lucrative lifestyle bloggers photographing €27 Cobb salads. We enjoyed our €14 pot of tea (oops) and left to rejoin the real world. 

Retiro Park, or as the locals call it, Parque del Buen Retiro (which literally means "Park of the Pleasant Retreat") is a goddamn delight. It's about half the size of Manhattan's Central Park but nearly three times as beautiful. Endless manicured lawns, fountains, sculptures, a man-made lake, amazing flowers and trees, galleries, and even a palace. I wanted to spend the whole afternoon exploring but my allergies were like "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE THIS POLLEN WILL KILL YOU" so we regrettably had to leave. 

On our way out we swung by the Crystal Palace. It’s unbelievably stunning - truly straight out of a fairy tale. Unfortunately there was a modern art exhibit inside, which sounds cool but I wish it had been empty. While most probably appreciated the juxtaposition of the heavy modern assemblages contrasted against the effervescent palace walls, I found it intrusive. The building is art, it doesn't need more art on top of it. Anyway, bla bla bla, whine whine whine, it was gorgeous. 

Here's a fun fact: A "Maja" was a term for women in the lower classes of Spanish society, especially in Madrid, who distinguished themselves by their elaborate outfits and cheeky behavior. Sound like anyone you know? These "Majas" inspired Goya's famous painting, "The Naked Maja", which he painted in 1800 as a commission for Manuel Godoy, the young corrupt Prime Minister of Spain to add to his private collection of nudie paintings. What a creep. Now the painting hangs in the Prado Museum next to "The Clothed Maja", an identical painting in every way, just with the addition of clothes.

So, naturally, we went to go check them out. The Prado Museum is GIANT (reminded me of the Met), slightly difficult to navigate, and houses a shocking number of classical masterpieces. We found the Majas after getting lost a few times, and they were pretty great. I snapped a really horrible iPhone pic and then got yelled at by the guards, so this is the only one I have. Tragic, I know.

We went for tapas at Casa Patas, a famous restaurant/flamenco club. We were planning on having dinner and then seeng the flamenco show, but my allergies were so bad we had to leave. No one likes a sneezy audience member. 

So, all in all, our time in Madrid was five stars, two thumbs up. It didn't feel super touristy, and the parks were incredible. We'll definitely be back.

We happily waved goodbye to Morocco and hopped onto our first Ryan Air flight. After hearing stories about how bare bones the airline was, I was pleasantly surprised - it was great. The plane was stripped down to the bare essentials and every square inch of wall space was plastered with advertising, but it was very clean, the service was great, and the flight was on time. We also paid $15 extra to sit in the second row of the plane (first on, first off, guaranteed spot for our carry-on's, etc) so that may have influenced my opinion.

We landed in Seville and stood outside the airport just breathing in the cool air. After the stale heat of Morocco, the air in Seville was deliciously refreshing.

Seville was a pretty extreme but very welcome culture shock after Morocco. Most notably, women - suddenly they were everywhere. Beautiful, fashionable Spanish women, with long hair, juicy silhouettes, tight clothing, and endless confidence. This was in stark contrast to Morocco, where women kind of disappear from the picture. Hidden behind burkas, tucked away inside their homes, and in the very few advertisements featuring a woman wearing western style clothing, fully covered.

Our Airbnb was SUPER COOL. An architect's live/work studio, complete with architectural models and a reference library. The vast collection of vintage Spanish architectural magazines were so fun to flip through.

In addition to being cool, the apartment was located in the old part of Seville which was perfect for us. We spent most of our time strolling through the tiny, winding, orange tree lined streets, sitting at outdoor cafes drinking rioja. Oh man, the rioja. After not drinking alcohol for weeks in Morocco, wine never tasted so good.

A few of our favorite places:

La Azotea - One of the best dinners we've had on the trip so far. Delicious food, served in an untraditional way. Beautifully plated. We had a bunch of tapas and delicious wine. We had a wonderful evening. The people watching was spectacular.

Maquila - Hip little brewery/bar with fantastic tapas. We slid in for an afternoon "snack" and four giant tapas and four glasses of beer later, we stumbled out happy and full. Great vibe, awesome staff, bright breezy interior. Great place to spend an afternoon and/or evening.

Seville Cathedral - Enormous gothic church containing the biggest altarpiece in the world and Christopher Columbus' bones. As one of the largest Christian churches in the world, it's pretty impressive.

Torch Coffee Roasters- Super cute coffee shop run by two sisters. After drinking exclusively mint tea for three weeks I wanted to make out with the perfect almond milk cortado they made me. Oddly, their only other location is in Raleigh, NC. Go figure.

Torre del Oro - Dodecagonal military watchtower built in 1220 (yeah, that's not a typo) to control access via the river. Very cool little museum inside full of naval artifacts, and after a narrow, spiraling climb up the tower, you're rewarded with spectacular views from the top.

We found Seville to be delightful, relaxing, beautiful, and charming. If you're going to Spain, definitely take the time to visit.

Surprise, surprise, the cheapest/least horrible way to get to Morocco was via Dubai on Emirates. There was an option to fly Etihad to Abu Dhabi, which I was seriously considering because I really want to check out the new Louvre Museum. Plus they have a Ferrari amusement park?! But the reviews for Etihad were really poor, and the fear of two potentially awful 10+ hour flights outweighed my desire to visit the museum. Another time, (fingers crossed).

The Plan

Based on my limited knowledge of Morocco I knew I wanted to: visit a spice market, ride a camel, climb a sand dune, and dine in a traditional Moroccan restaurant. We started doing some research and found the first and last desires could be accomplished in Marrakech, and the second and third could be found in the South, specifically the Sahara Desert. I found a 10-day tour of southern Morocco which included a camel ride, and an evening sleeping under the stars in a Saharan desert camp. Bingo. I signed us up, we bought tickets to Casablanca, and off we went.

Casablanca

I read Casablanca was pretty… boring. Everything kept redirecting me towards other Moroccan cities. “Casablanca is... yeah... hey what about Rabat!”. So we only spent two days there, enough to see the Hassan II Mosque (one of the most incredible buildings I have ever seen anywhere ever) and Rick’s Cafe (delightfully touristy). Other than those two gems the city felt really dull. We hopped on a 4 hour train to Marrakech and instantly felt the difference. Marrakech is alive with the endless hustle of the city. We spent four nights in a riad (a traditional home where all the rooms face in and center around a garden) in the medina (old town) surrounded by the souks (small shops selling spices, leather goods, clothes, shoes, light fixtures, blankets, jewelry, etc.).

Marrakech

We developed a love/hate relationship with Marrakech. The city is incredibly rich with color and culture - very visually stimulating. The gardens, palaces, mosques, tile work, and hospitality are all wonderful. But there were a few nagging detractors. For a country famous for it’s spices the food is oddly bland and repetitive. I don’t think I’ll want to eat couscous again for a very, very long time. As a woman, I received unwanted stares and comments, even though I stayed respectfully covered (shoulders, chest, and knees) at all times. After ignoring a man's passing comments he yelled "We don't hate women!" at me. Yeah, right. After the first day of this I started walking behind Patrick, my head down, avoiding eye contact. Not super comfortable. Motorbikes are the preferred method of transit in the medina, being the most equipped for handling the narrow, winding roads. However, the emissions standards are either not enforced or non-existent, because the air pollution they create is pretty intense.

We spent our days wandering the medina, poking our heads into restaurants, shops, and attractions. The main square, Jemaa el-Fnaa, was a wasteland of horrible tourist traps. It felt dirty and tired, and we only stayed for a few minutes. However, we did find a few gems:

Dar Yacout

Five star luxury restaurant in a traditional riad in the medina. Very hard to find, but once you do it feels like stepping into Arabian Nights. Lush fabrics, ornate lanterns, intricate tile work, mountains of pillows, live music, traditional outfits, and endless amounts of food and wine. A very quintessential Moroccan experience. 

Secret Garden

Beautifully restored old palace with corresponding gardens. You can get a tour of the palace, with great views of the medina from the roof. Very cute little garden cafe, perfect for a quiet lunch. The entrance building houses a modern craft shop, where a local artist hand-paints traditional Moroccan tile designs on pillows and tote bags. Awesome.

Riad Miski

We got to call this beautiful and traditional riad home for four luxurious nights. Despite being in the heart of the bustling medina, it's amazingly quiet and calm. The staff was incredibly friendly and cooked us some of the best meals we had in Morocco. Really cool experience of what it’s like to live in Marrakech.

Roti D'or

At first glance, you wouldn’t suspect this tiny hole in the wall is the #3 restaurant in all of Marrakech. But once you get a taste of the delicious and impossibly inexpensive food, you are already planning your next visit back. We went two nights in a row, and enjoyed tacos (20 Dhs / $2 usd) and shwarma (25 Dhs / $2.50 usd) which both came with rice, french fries, and yummy sauces.

Photography Museum

Very hip little museum set in an old house where the steep and narrow staircases definitely aren't up to code. Exhibits show old photos of the old town when it was just called "town". Wonderful cafe on the roof with great views of the medina. Just watch your step on the tiny spiral staircase, it's a neck-breaker.

Southern Tour

Once our four days passed, we were excited to hook up with our tour group. We joined 13 other travelers, from Australia, Canada and the US, ranging in ages from 19 to 70. It was awesome and exhausting. Here were the highlights:

Atlas Film Studio

Located in Ozzourarte, a local businessman opened this film studio in 1983 with a few conditions. The production companies were required to hire exclusively local labor to build the sets, and after the film wrapped the sets had to remain at the studio. This way, the studio can rake in the tourism bucks via snap-happy tourists like myself. The result? The sets are giant and incredible. We "traveled" to Egypt, China and Israel in the span of 30 minutes. Basically any movie that involves Egypt or ancient times has been shot here (Lawrence of Arabia, Gladiator, Babel, Game of Thrones, The Mummy, etc). There's a delightfully amateurish drone video at the bottom of their homepage which gives you a nice flyover of the studio so you can get a sense of what's there.

Essaouira

Super chill little beach town on the southern coast of Morocco. Has it’s own little medina which is way easier to handle than the giant one in Marrakech. If I went back to Morocco I would spend the entire time in Essaouira. 

Sahara Desert Camp

Hey you guys, the desert is hot. Like, really hot. It felt like someone was blasting a hairdryer in our faces and we couldn't turn it off. The camp we stayed at looked like Jakku: dirty, dingy, dusty, and deserty. We climbed the sand dunes, drank uncomfortably warm water, and waited for the sun to go down. At night, we all dragged our cots out of the hot tents which had been baking in the sun all day, and slept under the stars. The starry sky (sans-light pollution) was so bright it was almost hard to go to sleep. One of the coolest experiences of my life.

Camel Ride

Super mixed feelings about this. Animals definitely don’t want to be climbed upon, so I kind of hate that I did this, but sitting on a camel, a good 8 feet off the ground, and feeling it move beneath you is in a very unique experience. 

We had tons of highs and lows in Morocco. I'm super glad we went, but I'm definitely not in a rush to go back. Overall pros and cons:

Pros

• gorgeous interior architecture
• beautiful gardens
• elements of surprise, tons of amazing sights hiding behind plain, ugly walls
• tons of intact history
• hospitality is on point
• mint tea like woah
• fairly inexpensive

Cons

• being a woman is uncomfortable
• old town is dirty and smelly
• getting lost in the Medina is inevitable
• lots of animal-abuse-as-tourist-attractions (ie, monkeys on chains, de-fanged snakes, etc)
• oddly bland and repetitive food (what are they doing with all those spices?!)
• water is undrinkable, can’t even use it to brush teeth
• tons of tourist scams which hinder visitor/local interactions
• HOT AF

First thing to get out of the way: South Africa is INCREDIBLE. It was our favourite stop on the trip so far, by a long shot. Practically everything about it was enjoyable, and we liked it so much that we're already (loosely) planning a return trip.

This is going to be a long post, so here's a quick overview of what we did before we dive into things:

• Flew into Cape Town and stayed about 5 days.
• Flew from Cape Town to Port Elizabeth, shuttled to Kichaka and stayed for 3 days.
• Shuttled from Kichaka back to the Port Elizabeth airport and rented a car.
• Drove the Garden Route back to Cape Town, with overnight stops in Knysna, Mossel Bay, and Stellenbosch.
• Stayed in the Camps Bay neighborhood of Cape Town for 4 more days.
• Took a 3-day train from Cape Town to Pretoria, stopping in Matjiesfontein and Kimberley.
• Shuttled from Pretoria to the Johannesburg airport and flew out!

Cape Town

After a 10 hour flight from Dubai, we landed in Cape Town in the evening and nearly didn't make it past immigration. Because we knew we'd be in the country for a few weeks, we hadn't yet booked our exit flight, and that didn't sit well with the immigration officer! Luckily she was chill about it and allowed us to book an exit flight on the spot. We booked something refundable so we were able to cancel it later – it seemed they are more interested in making sure you can leave rather than if you actually will, which makes sense. After that somewhat scary moment (never again!) we took a quick cab into the city, marveling at Table Mountain at sunset on the way.

Our 5 days in Cape Town blew by. We were lucky enough to meet up with local gentleman Aaron Marshall who provided us with a damn near overwhelming list of things to see, eat and do. Some highlights:

We ate amazing food at Loading Bay, The Company's Garden, The Potluck Club, Kloof Street House, and Chefs Warehouse & Canteen. We had some of the best pizza on the trip at Bocca. We got fantastic coffee at Origin and elsewhere. Nearly everywhere we went and at every meal we had, people were friendly and helpful, offering even more recommendations for places we had to go. This is part of why we are already planning another trip.

Origin Coffee

Aloof Street House

Cocktail at Pot Luck Club

Patrick at Pot Luck Club

When we weren't stomping around Bree St. we spent a fair bit of time at the V&A Waterfront, which is sort of like if San Francisco's Fisherman's Wharf area wasn't overpopulated with huge chain restaurants and souvenir shops. While still touristy, and yes, there are still souvenir shops, it has a much more relaxed vibe and is filled with decent restaurants at which to grab a drink and relax by the water. There's also a mixed-use building called the Watershed which houses a rotating market on the ground floor and a co-working space and coffee shop above. We bought postcards here and snacked and drank and wrote to our friends back home. It was highly enjoyable.

While in Cape Town we also used took the opportunity to visit Robben Island, which was totally cool. It's their Alcatraz, basically, but instead of housing scumbags like Al Capone or George Kelly, it held political prisoners like Nelson Mandela and Kgalema Motlanthe. While our guide (a former inmate himself) was a bit difficult to understand through his heavy accent, he was super friendly and answered all kinds of questions from the group. The tour was long, but the views of Cape Town from the island were spectacular, as was being out on the water in general.

We had a lot of fun in our first five days and it went by super quick! Before we knew it, we were off to...

Kichaka

After a short 45 minute flight, we landed in Port Elizabeth and we took a car about an hour and a half northeast towards the outskirts of Grahamstown, to Kichaka, a game reserve that came highly recommended by friends. We spoiled ourselves for this particular part of the trip, both because it was Maja's birthday and because we couldn't turn down a such exceptional testimony from friends on what is supposed to be an amazing experience. We were not disappointed.

The way a game lodge works is like this: It's basically a nice resort hotel with usual resort hotel amenities: pool, restaurant, areas to relax, exceptional service, etc. The big difference is that it's located inside a huge park (the reserve) with wild animals roaming everywhere. The actual lodge grounds are cordoned off so you're not in any danger of being eaten while on your way to the pool, but it's more a "keep everything out" then a "cage everything in" sort of feeling.

Kichaka is special in that aside from being amazing and luxurious, it sits on a very large game reserve. The story we were told was that some years ago, the owner made an agreement with the owners of the adjacent game lodges (Lalibela and Bayeti) to remove the fences between them and share the land. This means that the acreage is huge – it took us 45 minutes by land cruiser to get across some parts of it, but more on that later. Some game reserves do hunting, but not Kichaka. That shit is rude as hell.

The big thing to do on the the game reserve is go on game drives. They're included as part of your stay (it's the whole reason people go, really) and there are two per day, both around 2-3 hours in length: One at 6AM and one at 4PM, to optimize your time around sunrise and sunset. This happens to be the best time to view animals since both the nocturnal and diurnal ones will be waking up or going to sleep. Although you may be thinking "6AM? eff that!" you would quickly realize once you're there that you very much want to get up to do this. The landscape and environment is such that if there's any time in your life you'd want to see a sunrise – it's there and then.

We arrived in the early afternoon which meant we were able to hop on the afternoon game drive. Our driver, Ashley, who would be our driver for every drive during our stay, was the lead ranger and awesomely chill. A former electrician, he gave up the daily grind to spend his life with animals, which is pretty damn cool. He had encyclopedic knowledge of every animal we saw, from termites to birds to the big game. And man, did we see some big game.

One of the advantages to going when we did (late April) was that it was low season – Fall was just kicking up and so there were very few other people at the lodge. In fact, our very first drive, we had Ashley all to ourselves in a Land Cruiser designed for 6-10 people. It was hot (haha, we hadn't yet been to the Desert at this point and thought 90F was "hot") but we lucked out and got to see a male Lion only about 30 minutes into the ride.

Shortly after sunset, Ashley pulled over and broke out the cooler and prepared snacks and drinks for us. "Sundowners" would soon become a staple of our trip. (He also did this on the morning drives, but with tea and coffee an biscuits. A+.)

Although each drive was special in it's own way, it would be silly to recount the details of each ones, so I'm just going to share a ton of photos and let those do the talking.

Maja at Dusk

Patrick at Dusk

Rhino!

Lots of coffee was consumed between game drives

Leopard on Road

T-Shirt!

Antelope

Zebras

Giraffe family

More Antelope

Leopard

Here's some video, too:

We were extremely sad to leave, but we know for sure we'll come back. Kichaka remains one of the most amazing experiences we've had on our trip.

Garden Route

After getting a ride back to the Port Elizabeth airport, we decided that instead of flying back to Cape Town, we would drive the acclaimed Garden Route, which is sort of similar to California's Highway 1. We rented a car at the PE Airport, and I was surprised to learned that not only could I still drive a manual transmission car pretty well, I could do it on the opposite side of the road as well! I did have a few hiccups – using my left hand to shift felt extremely unnatural at first, and I may have grabbed my door-handle by accident at one point, but overall everything worked out better than expected!

Driving in South Africa is pretty interesting. First, it's important to note that highway driving in South Africa was quite a bit different than driving state-side. The speed limit is 130km/h, but even that seems to be only a suggestion, as we were routinely passed by cars doing 150+. Second, the shoulders are all paved and clean, and they get used. It's customary to move aside, into the shoulder, to allow cars behind you to pass, and this happens frequently on the many single-lane stretches of the garden route. Third, and finally, you have to watch out for baboons. Seriously. We witnessed a huge family cross the highway with luckily enough visibility that we were able to slow down and avoid them, but they seem to be a major problem for drivers, as there are warning signs about them everywhere.

The drive itself was quite beautiful. The route is about 750km, which we split up over about 3 days, so only about 2-4 hours of driving a day. We saw massive mountains and fjords (can I use that word in the southern hemisphere?) early on, and rolling hillsides and wind farms later on. We stopped to stay in Knysna, Mossel Bay, and Stellenbosch, where we stayed 2 nights so that we could do some wine tasting.

Stellenbosch itself was fantastic. It felt like Berkeley combined with a less pretentious Napa Valley. It's a college town, with a huge university anchoring the city in the wine country just outside of Cape Town to the east.

A Winery

Patrick, Possibly Drunk

Our BnB host was kind enough to arrange a wine tasting tour for us which worked out wonderfully. We visited Kanonkop, Rustenberg, Oldenberg, and Camberley, all of which had alarmingl heavy pours. We tried the South African-native Pinotage varietal at nearly all of them, which if I remember correctly (I probably don't) was surprisingly dry and fruitful. Rustenberg was probably our favourite due to it's beautiful gardens and architecture, though Oldenberg had some fantastic mountain views as well.

Camps Bay

After our short stay in Stellenbosch we drove the quick 30 minutes back into Cape Town to drop off our rental car and cab to our next AirBnb. We decided to stay in Camps Bay suburb due to it's proximity to the beach and the fact that we really just wanted to hang out for a few days. And hang out we did. Our place was right on the main strip of Camps Bay and we had breakfast at the same little restaurant every day, and didn't do a whole lot over the next few days. We finally got to see Zootopia (or as it's known in South Africa, Zootropolis) and Maja went to a bird sanctuary while I downloaded Xcode updates and did laundry. It was a great time.

One interesting thing we did was visit the 12 Apostles Hotel. Located roughly 10 minutes drive south of Camps Bay, this insanely lavish hotel has an awesome bar with patio that's perfect for sundowners. Visiting cool bars inside fancy hotels we're not staying at really seems to be our special move on this trip.

Rovos

While we were sad to leave Cape Town again, we were pretty excited by our method of transport: our first train! And what a train it was. Maja had arranged for us to take the Rovos journey from Cape Town to Pretoria, just outside of Johannesburg.

It was a trip on many levels.

We walked up to the Rovos building next to the train station with our backpacks on and were greeted with puzzled looks – surely, we couldn't be passengers, the small fleet of porters must have thought. But yep when we told them "we're checking in", they quickly grabbed our bags and assisted us into the private waiting area where we started to realize what we had gotten ourselves into. There were huge couches everywhere, tiffany lamps on side tables, champagne, and even live music – a string quartet, natch. The crowd was... a little older than us. I believe we were the youngest passengers by about a decade, maybe more. The average passenger age was easily 65, and we were really weighing that down.

The train was beautiful, even nicer than the Lilly Belle, Walt Disney's (once) private Disneyland train car, which is the only thing I can even think to compare it to. Our room had a private bathroom and shower, queen bed, and a mini bar. The lounge car was the best though, with it's beautiful bar, huge windows, and dark wood everywhere. It was all super over the top.

Maja in our room

Maja in the Observation Car

Maja in the back of the train

Sleeping on the train was somewhat of a challenge. The train, while beautiful, is essentially an antique, and as such doesn't have the smoothest or most comfortable ride. The train purposely stops for about 4 hours in the middle of the night to let people get some rest, but this seemed counter-productive to me. Starting and stopping was the most jarring part – the entire car would shake violently, so if you did fall asleep before the scheduled stop, you'd almost certainly be woken up by it, and then again when it would start moving again.

The train made two stops during the days, once in Matjiesfonten, which I'm fairly certain is simply an used Wes Anderson movie set, and Kimberley, the former diamond industry headquarters. Both were sort of interesting, but not especially stop-worthy. The train was so nice, I would have rather stayed aboard.

Some weird old cars in Matjisfontain

The Lord Milner Hotel

Inside the Hotel

At the bar

Our last night aboard we successfully got drunk with the staff, who were all much closer to our age and quite a lot of fun. They even gave me an honorary bowtie. Good times.

Goodbye ZA

Note: If you've ever wondered why South Africa is abbreviated as ZA: It's not because Saudi Arabia got dibs on "SA" or because they "ran out of letters by the time they got to the bottom of the world." The shorthand is derived from the fact that Dutch name for "South Africa" is "Zuid-Afrika", and with dutch colonization being a part of South Africa's history, the unique abbreviation stuck.

When we arrived in Pretoria we disembarked to an equally fancy and ridiculous private train station and took a cab to Johannesburg. We flew out early the next day, so we took the opportunity to crash at our airport hotel and have proper showers and get ready for the long flight back to Dubai and onward to Morocco.

Our time in South Africa, just about 3 weeks, was amazing throughout. We didn't really know what to expect but we couldn't have been happier with our investment of time there. We really can't wait to go back.

Turns out, flying from Rio to Cape Town is very $$$, and the cheapest, least horrible flight was on Emirates with a layover in Dubai. Wait, what? That's like flying from Seattle to Los Angeles via New York. Let's look at a map real quick.

Yeah, slight detour.

Anyway, since we were flying all the way to Dubai, and neither of us had been we decided to extend our layover from 8 hours to 32 hours, get a hotel room, and Experience Dubai!™

Dubai is ridiculous. It's like Las Vegas without the sex, drugs, or alcohol. It's just loaded with tons of money, insane shopping, and ludicrous buildings. For example, the Burj al Arab, the only 7-star hotel in the world. A "room" (the smallest is a 1,830 sqft two-floor suite) starts at ~$1,400 USD/night. A few of the many amenities include:

• a 24hr butler
• two private bars (upstairs and downstairs, duh)
• 14 types of pillows
• daily in-suite breakfast buffet
• full-size jacuzzi (not a tub like an actual jacuz)
• 5-head rain shower
• 21" iMac
• super king bed "personalized to suit your specific posture preferences"
• professional wardrobe packing and unpacking (?)
• choice of 200+ international newspapers (how do they get them?)
• fruit baskets galore

It is the third tallest hotel in the world, stands on an artificial island, and is connected to the mainland by a private bridge. We obviously couldn't afford to stay there, but we definitely wanted to visit. You can't even step foot on the bridge unless you're a guest of the hotel (there are serious guards and gates), or if you have a reservation at one of the hotel's restaurants. We booked a table at the hotel's Sky Bar for evening drinks. More on that later.

Our Hotel

We booked a room at the Hotel Kempinski - Mall of Emirates. They gave us a complementary quadruple upgrade from their basic room to a junior suite (!!) and everything was completely gorgeous. It was definitely the fanciest place we have stayed on the trip and the luxury was appreciated. They decked out our suite with flowers, a cake from their pastry chef, and comped everything in the mini bar. I was in heaven.

The next morning we went to the breakfast buffet which IS A THING. It was the most incredible buffet I have ever seen in my life. This place had everything. There were only three other people there so it felt really relaxing (buffets are normally hectic). We stayed for far too long and ate far too much but we wanted to try as much as we could.

Burj Khalifa

The number one attraction on our list was the Burj Khalifa, currently the tallest building in the world. Visitors may purchase a ticket to access the viewing floor at a specific time. When we got to the ticket desk everything was sold out, but the desk attendant said there was a small tour leaving in 5 minutes that we could join. A tour sounded awesome, so bought our tickets and were ushered into a small waiting room. A few minutes later I asked Patrick,

"Wait, were those tickets 100 dirham or 1,000 dirham?"

"100 dirham." [glances at tickets] "Nope, 1,000 dirham."

We paid $272 usd to see a building. Oops.

Well the views and the building were absolutely incredible. We spent about two hours exploring, taking in the views (inside and out) and laughing at the junk in the gift shop.

Malls

Dubai has the most insane shopping I've ever seen anywhere. It has a number of GIGANTIC malls containing every store imaginable from the highest of high end to the lowest of dollar stores. In addition to the retail the malls have celebrity chef restaurants and crazy entertainment. Our mall had an indoor ski slope complete with a chair lift and real penguins. If you're thinking "It must be weird to see people wearing ski gear when it's 100 degrees outside" you are correct.

The Sky Bar

We put on our nicest clothes and took a cab to the Burj al Arab. Driving across the bridge and approaching the building is impressive. The building is massive and slightly daunting.

The hotel lobby is OVER THE TOP. I was expecting a more subdued elegance but this place was an assault on the eyes. A mish-mash of bright colors, water features, retail, level changes, tons of over-designed furniture, and music was a bit overwhelming. It looked like the designer had gone to a Persian fabric store and said yes to everything.

The bar looked like a future-themed bar built in the 90's. It was so odd. The cocktails were a teenage girl's dream (they all tasted like candy and some even contained candy), and when Patrick ordered an Old Fashioned there was a lot of confusion. It was a fun experience, because it just felt so wacky. It was like a fancy-themed bar, but it wasn't actually fancy.

Dubai felt like being in a future city on another planet. Great for an extended layover, but not as a destination.

We accidentally had a super short stay in Rio. We booked the 18th through the 21st. Four days, right? Nope. We left Buenos Aires the evening of the 18th but arrived the morning of the 19th, and flew out at 2am on the 21st. This means we were only on the ground for 48 hours. Oops.

So, we made the most out of the little time we had.

Monday, April 18

9:30p - Depart Buenos Aires 

Tuesday, April 19

12:20a - Land in Rio

The airport was empty, immigration a breeze, and cabs were plentiful. A+ late night airport experience. Astute observers will noticed that this was quite a long flight time for what should be a relatively short flight. Turns out there was a crazy storm and we had to route way around it, almost doubling our flight time.

1:30a -  Check into our hotel, and immediately go to bed

The Rio Summer Olympics are right around the corner, and to prepare, a bunch of giant new hotels were just built near the giant new Olympic Village. They're super nice, and since all the Olympic hoopla hasn't yet begun, they're super empty, which means they're super cheap! We scored a beautiful room in the brand new Hilton Barra. The amenities and service were outstanding.

10:00a - Breakfast time 

After a nice long sleep we hit the buffet and planned out the rest of our day.

12:00p - Hire a Guide

The very friendly bellman, Edwardo, helped us hire a driver for the day. He didn't speak English, and we don't speak Portuguese, so we communicated with lots of pointing, nodding, and smiles. He charged us $70BRL/hr (~$20USD/hr) to drive us wherever we wanted to go, hang out, and then drive us to next location. It was awesome.

1:00p - Christ the Redeemer

Our first stop, naturally, was Christ the Redeemer. Arguably the most popular tourist spot in Rio. The 125' Art Deco statue is the perfect selfie bait. We sweated it out with hundreds of other tourists, climbing the stairs to the top and attempting the photo. With Arms Wide Open, the seminal Creed classic, played in my head the entire time. I bought an açai (the Brazilian superfruit) smoothie because when in Rome, right? Surprisingly, the ones in Hawaii are better.

3:00p - Sugarloaf Mountain

Next was Sugarloaf Mountain. Maybe the second most popular tourist attraction in Rio? It rises 1,299 ft above the harbor and via a series of two cable cars, you can check out some pretty fantastic views. The weather was perfect, super sunny and clear so we could see everything. We rushed our way through lunch (there were LOADS of bees) and quickly made our way back down the mountain.

5:00p - Sit in traffic

It took two hours to get home. The traffic in Rio is totally unpredictable, and since there is tons of Olympic prep road work going on, the streets are a mess. Also the driving is bonkers. The drivers are very assertive and alert, making four or sometimes five lanes where there are only three.

7:30p - Swim at the hotel

Back at the hotel I had the outdoor rooftop pool all to myself and enjoyed a nice pre-dinner lap swim under the stars. Not a bad way to unwind after a day of schlepping up and down various mountains.

8:30p - Chill dinner

We were totally pooped and decided to have dinner at our hotel. Our waiter Andre, a young local guy, was incredibly friendly and brought us all kinds of local snacks to try. "This one we eat at the beach!", he explained, showing us the correct way to dip the light, crispy donut-shaped crackers into a bright cheese sauce. He said the bar could make "Any drink!", so I ordered a martini with a twist. After about 30 seconds he proudly came rushing back with a martini with a twist, of lime. Oh boy. He stayed to make sure I enjoyed my first sip ("Delicious!") before beaming and slightly bowing as he walked away.

Wednesday, April 20

10:00a Pack up and check out

We packed up, checked out, stashed our bags with our bud Edwardo, and took another victory lap through the breakfast buffet.

12:00p Olympic Village

Thoroughly sated with unidentifiable fruits and tiny pancakes, Edwardo hooked us up with another driver, Junior. He took us for a spin around the Olympic Village (we weren't aloud to walk through due to the copious amount of construction). For being only a few months away, they look like they're in pretty good shape. We'll be those annoying people who'll say "Actually, we've like, been there.", when we're watching the Olympics.

12:30p Parque Lage 

Next, Junior took us to Cafe Plage, a stunningly beautiful public park. In the middle of the park stands a gorgeous mansion, formerly the home of industrialist Enrique Lage and his wife, singer Gabriella Besanzoni. In the 1960s the land became a public park, with walking trails through the surrounding subtropical forest. Now an arts school and a café open to the public operate from the former mansion. Fun Fact: The mansion was notably featured in the 2003 music video for Snoop Dogg's single "Beautiful."

We enjoyed lunch in the atrium while observing the endless identical Instagram photoshoots occur by the pool. Fix the hair, pop the leg, turn slightly, angle the face, hand on the waist, smile and click!

4:30p Ipanema Beach

Duh. Of course we went. The beach was a beautiful endless strip of beachgoers and vendors, offering anything and everything you could possibly want. Beer, cachaça, fresh coconuts, snacks, beach chairs, souvenirs, bikinis, hats, everything. There were tons of people playing football, volleyball, and if that isn't enough, footvolley, a locally invented sport that is, you guessed it, a combo of volleyball and football.

5:00p Sunset

We made our way to the end of the beach and climbed Arpador Hill, where locals and tourists come to watch the sunset. The rock was hot AF after baking in the sun all day, but we settled in and watched the sun dip behind the mountains. It was really, really lovely.

6:00p Melting

Next we walked over to Leblon, the fanciest neighborhood in Rio. It was uncomfortably hot, and I felt like my brain was starting to melt, so we sought refuge in an overly air conditioned restaurant. The only people there, we nibbled on the bread basket while drinking four bottles of water apiece. Feeling guilty for taking up space and not ordering anything other than water, Patrick ordered two beers, and once those had been taken care of, we boogied our way out of there.

8:00p The Fifties

After two failed cab attempts we finally found a cab who would take us to our hotel and accepted credit cards. Square, get your butt to Rio, STAT! After sitting in traffic for an hour, we were over it. We asked our driver to dump us at the nearby mall instead, so we could kill some time and wait for the traffic to die down. Patrick tried to buy the freshly-released MacBook at the Apple Store but they hadn't received their shipment yet. Deflated, we did a lap and came across an American-style diner called The Fifties. It was like stumbling onto a Happy Days set and we loved it. Realizing it was dinner time, we sat down and enjoyed a slice of good old Americana.

10:00p Quick change

Traffic abated, we hopped a cap back to our hotel, and retrieved our bags. We set up camp in the lobby restroom, changing clothes, brushing teeth, and getting our bags organized for our giant flight ahead.

11:00p Deserted Airport

Junior came back to out hotel, and gave us a ride to the airport. We saw fireworks from the highway for Tiradentes' Day, a local holiday, which made me miss Disneyland and my friends. We arrived at the airport, and walked though the empty departures hall until we reached the Emirates desk where there were 300 people waiting in the Economy line. Oh boy. But, since we'd checked in online and didn't have any luggage to check, we were able to skip past and head straight through immigration and security. We sat at the gate for an hour, and then hopped onto our 777, lustfully walking past the business class thrones on our way to economy.

Thursday, April 21

2:05a Depart Rio, fly to Dubai

We really enjoyed our quick stint in Rio. The city is beautiful, lush, culturally rich, and very relaxing. And who knows, you may even spot us in some Olympics b-roll!

Buenos Aires was the first city on our trip that one of us (me) had the opportunity to visit previously. My last visit was just a quick stop-over with my brother and father in 2012, while we were on our way to (and when we returned from) Antarctica. We only stayed a couple days both times, but we found the city pretty fun. There was a lot do and we ate very well, so I was a little sad we didn't get to spend more time there. Given that, I was extremely excited to return with Maja.

Based on my previous experience there, we decided to stay for about 2 weeks. This would be a much longer stay than any of our other landings so far. We figured the time was right for an extended stay somewhere, to spend time relaxing and to plan the next leg of our trip. We also wanted to slow down and do more things without having to fit so much into only a few days. We missed having time to read, time to watch TV, and generally enjoy vacationing.

We arrived on March 31st, which now feels like ages ago. From EZE (love that airport code) we took a taxi to the Palermo Hollywood district for a short stay at Home, a small boutique hotel that Maja booked for us. We (she) decided to splurge a little and so we booked The Garden Suite, a little bungalow with it's own little pool and spiral staircase to a rooftop patio. It was so lovely, and the staff was amazing. After staying in a mix of hostels and budget hotels, it was really nice to be somewhere that felt like vacation.

After spending a few nights there, we transferred to an Airbnb in the adjacent neighborhood, Palermo Soho. It was a lovely studio apartment on the 17th floor, giving us great sweeping views of the city that let us truly appreciate how big the city really is.

Being such a huge city, there was tons of stuff to do. We mostly just ate and drank a lot, but we did some other sightseeing too. Here's a list of some of our places:

(Hey guys. This is Maja. Patrick attempted a list of the stuff we did, but it included items like "That dumb pizza place" and "The cool bars??" so I'm jumping in to add some details.)

Restaurants

• Las Cabras - Classic Argentine food in generous portions at low prices. We got the bife de chorizo a Las Cabras - a steak with side dishes all piled onto a wood plank. Amazing.
• Las Pizarras - So good we went here twice. Inspired cooking beyond the classic steak. Different menu every night. Very friendly and helpful (and English-speaking!) staff. The first night we went their credit card machine was down, we didn't have enough cash to cover the bill, so they told us to "just come back on Tuesday to pay." An absolute MUST for dinner.
• Muu Letcheria - After two friends independently sent me the same photo of this highly-photographable diner, we decided to check it out. Themed as a 1950's diner, but with artful graffiti and chandeliers made of retired cutlery (?) this place has seen brighter days. It's open 24/7 so it would be perfect for a grilled cheese at 4am after a night at the clubs.
• Don Julio - One of the most famous parrillas (traditional steak restaurants) in Buenos Aires. Constant two-hour wait (appeased by free champagne) for the quality beef and exemplary service. We snagged a wonderful sidewalk table and ordered half-portions of steak (which we still couldn't finish). Olé!
• Pizzeria Kentucky - One hangry afternoon we stumbled into this divey pizza chain (open since 1942) because we didn't have the brain power to research somewhere better. We were surprised by the delicious fugazzetta - just simply dough with cheese and onions.
• Osaka Sushi - After eating mostly steak for a week, we decided to switch it up with some sushi. Osaka had great recommendations, so we gave it a go. We found it to be totally meh.
• Casa Felix - This puerta cerrada (closed door restaurant) was written up by the NYT a few years ago and has been booked ever since. The idea behind puertas cerradas is talented, passionate young chefs open their own homes to cook a set tasting menu showing their creativity and signature style. Patrick managed to get a reservation (amazing) and we enjoyed a long evening of fabulous food in a beautiful house with 16 other tourists. Well worth the effort and price tag.
• Perón Perón - Uncomfortably delicious ossobuco empanadas set in a small restaurant plastered with Peronist imagery. Best empanada in Buenos Aires.
• Las Cabreras - Touristy parrilla that we LOVED. A giant restaurant made up of tons of tiny adjoining rooms, with eclectic art, tchotchkes on the walls, and cool grandpa waiters. The steak and wine were delicious (they gave us a free bottle to take home!), but even better were the seemingly endless parade of tiny side dishes that kept arriving. Very fun evening, and great for groups.

• Blanch - Allegedly spectacular brunch but we accidentally went during restaurant week so we were served a weak Asian-inspired pre-fixe lunch. I found the food to be boring, and the restaurant was oddly dark. Good Aperol spritz though.
• Fervor - Classic old-school Parilla. A bit formal and dated, but the people-watching was incredible. We went for a late lunch after visiting the Recoleta Cemetery.
• Fukuro Noodle Bar - The best ramen I have EVER HAD, even including Japan. Super funky, cool, small space, with walls plastered in manga. If they don't have space for you when you arrive (no reservations) you're invited to sip sake as you wait in their twinkle-light lit garden. Spectacular evening.

• Olsen - This place would bring even the hippest of designers to their knees. Very modern Scandinavian influenced food with a beautiful garden and deck area. Set off the street behind a giant wall, this place is a totally isolated oasis. Perfect for a cappuccino wile you lounge in the sun, or a long multi-course lunch with your designer sunglasses-bespectacled comrades.
• La Fabrica del Taco - A good attempt at Mexican food. My favorite part was the walk-up taco bar built into the restaurant's exterior. Perfect for a quick nosh after a night at da club.
• Casa Cavia - A multi-concept store set in a refined 1920's house right next to the park. This place was a lifestyle blogger's dream come true. It includes a parfumerie, flower shop, book shop, and an excellent restaurant in the courtyard. Everyone here was uncomfortably chic and looked very hungry. I enjoyed watching the skinny skinnies on their lunch breaks gawk at me as I ordered a lemon tart.
• El Bistro at the Faena Hotel - Designed by Philippe Starck in collaboration with the famous hotelier Alan Faena, this place feels like walking into a Kubrick film. We were the only people in the giant white dining room adorned with unicorn busts. Definitely a trippy experience.

• Dean & Denny's - An impressive Shake Shack rip off (same menu, fonts, icons, everything). The dulce de leche milkshake is everything.

Cafes

• In Bocca Al Lupo - Italian barista owner, deliciously creative coffee concoctions coupled with warm coffee cake and a peaceful inner courtyard.
• Ninina - We went here at least four times. This bakery is the pride and joy of the youngest generation of a renowned family of local bakers. Clean lines and modern details make this place a Instagrammer's paradise. They serve breakfast, brunch, lunch and dinner. We kept going back for their blueberry-raspberry scones and welcoming environment. Everything is incredible, I just wish we could have tried more.

• La Panera Rosa - Generous portions and indulgent combinations like waffle sandwiches make this place a gem. They even have smiley face hashbrowns! We went for afternoon tea which included a full grilled cheese sandwich and enough pastries for a small army.

• Bar du Marche - I wanted to tuck this place in my pocket and take it home with me. Very tiny and very French cafe with delicious food, cheese and wine. Absolute gem.
• La Biela - Historic restaurant/cafe on the park in the Recoleta. We enjoyed cappuccinos outside while writing postcards and people-watching. The perfect place for an afternoon pick-me-up.
• LAB - This coffee shop is hip AF. Multiple kinds of beans and multiple methods of brewing. Patrick got a Kenyan bean through an Aeropress and was in heaven.

Activities

• MALBA (Museo de Arte Latinoamericano de Buenos Aires) - A beautiful building and gallery full of contemporary works. We saw the Jorge Macchi exhibit, which according to Patrick was, "super cool". The lovely outdoor cafe has delicious medialunas and horrible service.
• Planetarium - Wacky 60's architecture that looks like a UFO landed during the Cold War. The inside is bananas, with a tubular elevator surrounded by a spiral staircase running through the center of the building. We wanted to explore every inch, but were sadly restrained to just the planetarium show, which was hilarious due to the school group of 7-year-olds screaming out the names of the planets they knew.
• Recoleta Cemetery - Of course, no visit to Buenos Aires is complete without a visit to the Recoleta. We actually visited twice – a quick stop 20 minutes before closing, and another day to take a guided tour. The tour was super useful – it was great to hear the stories and explanations behind a lot of the tombs.

• FOLA - Photography museum in a warehouse connected to an outlet mall on the outskirts of town. Beautiful space, and beautiful shows.
• Botanical Garden - This place looked INCREDIBLE but was closed due to rain (?) when I tried to go.

Shopping

• El Ateno Books - The famous opera-house turned bookstore. Breathtaking interior with rows and rows of colorful books. Unfortunately the only books in English we could find were drugstore romance novels, but wandering through the stacks was totally worth it.
• Kabinett - Carefully curated very hip design store. Reminded me of Canoe in Portland.
• Editor Market - A lifestyle store providing the complete package: clothing, accessories, furniture, home wares, kitchen goods, gifts, kid stuff, and a healthy dose of hipper-than-thou attitude.

Bars

• Frank's - A glam speakeasy with amazing cocktails. A secret code is required to make it past the bouncers. If you make it past, the numerical code then must be punched into the number-pad of a phonebooth, which unlocks a door to enter a secret passageway into the bar. Worth the fuss.
• Victoria Brown - Another speakeasy with slightly less hoopla to enter. Turns out the real speakeasy is actually inside the speakeasy, through a false wall in the back corner of the bar. The bergamot lavender gin martini was pretty wonderful.
• Library Bar at the Faena Hotel - After our trippy experience in the Bistro, we moved over to the Library. My advice: skip the restaurant the head straight for the bar. Delicious classic cocktails, great bar menu, and awesome band. We bopped along to their entire set of American pop songs while sipping Zombies. Pretty spectacular evening.
• Floreria Atlántico - Enter a flower shop, go through the walking fridge type door and step down into a cocktail bunker. The food was oddly horrible but the drinks and ambiance were fantastic.

(Ok, back to Patrick.)

While in BsAs we got visas for our next location: Brazil! It only took 2 visits to the Brazilian Consulate (one to drop off our passports, another to pick them up 3 days later) and about $500. Yikes.

Funny story: Getting a visa for Brazil is a pain in the ass. You have to fill out a huge online form, upload photos of yourself and your passport, go get passport photos taken, upload your itinerary and flight/lodging confirmations – yes, you're expected to book this even before you have a visa, which seems a little like putting the carriage in front of the horse, but hey, whatever. Then you make an appointment online to visit the consulate, but when you arrive you still have to wait in a (standing) line for 15-30 minutes to see a clerk. Once the clerk looks at your application, they take your passport and give you a little card with instructions on how to pay the fee. This was somewhat weird: instead of paying it at the consulate, with a credit card or something easy, they make you walk to a local bank and deposit cash (cash only) into a numbered account. The bank then gives you a receipt that you can use to retrieve your passport from the consulate three days later. When you get your passport back it includes a glued-in visa on one of the pages with the passport photo you gave them. Nice.

Worth mentioning: This is the "easy" way to get a visa for Brazil. If you apply from within your home country, you can do so from home, you're required to mail your passport to the consulate for your jurisdiction, and knowing which one is which is up to you. It can then take weeks or months to get your passport back.

Brazil-curious readers note: Brazil is waiving these visa requirements for the Olympics this year. This means US and Canadian citizens (as well as Japanese and Australians) can visit, visa free, from June 1st to September 18th, for up to 90 days. I'd highly recommend doing this, since as we'll explain in the next post, Rio de Janeiro was incredibly beautiful and very worth visiting.

While we were waiting for our visas (as well as some items we ordered online that got held up in customs and are likely never to be seen again...) we decided to extend our stay a little longer and booked another Airbnb closer to Palermo Soho's main drag. While it wasn't as nice as the first, it was again very cheap ($54/night) and did the job well.

We left Buenos Aires the afternoon of April 18th, shortly after sending off a package of our own items we decided we didn't need to carry with us for the rest of the trip. Our bags a bit lighter, we took a 4 hour flight past a thunderstorm to the next location on our list: Rio de Janeiro!

Backpacks hurt my back. I hate how you have to take the whole thing off and awkwardly hold it or put it on the floor (ew) if you want to access anything. I hate the way they look, and the way they ruin one's posture and silhouette. I hate how absentminded backpack people can be, accidentally smashing their packs into people as they walk down the airplane aisles. Also, backpackers have a reputation for being cheap and dirty, two words I wouldn't use to describe myself.

So as I said, I politely declined.

Patrick said a backpack would be easier because:

- the 34-40L size he suggested was smaller than a carry-on suitcase, so we wouldn't have any carry-on issues (or I could just get a smaller suitcase)

- backpacks would leave our hands free when traveling (what would we be doing while walking that would require two hands?)

- walking long distances on dirt/cobblestone streets with suitcases would be tough (ok, fair point)

- a small backpack would force us to travel light (I can travel light with a small suitcase too)

Not convinced, but very much in love with Patrick, I conceded and began backpack shopping.

Bags

1. Backpack $160 - After a ton of research I landed on the Osprey Farpoint 40. I was attracted to the internal organization layout, fairly simple exterior, and padded shoulder straps. That said, now that I've been traveling with it for over a month, I don't love it. This thing has WAY more bells and whistles than I need. There are a ton of straps I never use, and hip belts that just get in the way (I've never used them). The internal structure of the pack is odd to me, I think it's designed to be top-heavy? But this means there is space in the bottom of the pack that is designed to remain empty, which drives me nuts. I just want something simple and I feel like this bag is trying to do too much. Fed up, I ordered the pack Patrick brought, and had it shipped to Buenos Aires three weeks before we were scheduled to arrive. To this day it is still "being processed" by customs so that's $300 I'll probably never see again.

2. Packing Cubes $38 - Packing cubes are life. These babies are super thin, and have a secondary compression-zip system, turning my big stack of clothes into a small, rock-hard cube. They're amazing. I got them in purple just to spice things up a bit.

3. First Aid Bag $9 - This small packing cube is the perfect size to store basic first aid essentials (bandaids, sterile alcohol pads, antibiotic ointment, gauze) and medications. I turn into a complete baby when I'm sick, and the thought of needing to navigate a foreign country + language barrier + unfamiliar ingredients to seek out medicine doesn't sound fun. So I packed: Pepto-Bismol, Midol, Pearls probiotics, Sudafed, ZzzQuil, Tums, Benadryl, Refresh Plus eyedrops, Imodium, Advil liquid gels, Zyrtec, Xanax, Azithromycin (antibiotic), Ciprofloxacin (antibiotic), and Atovaquone (anti-malarial). I transferred everything from it's original packaging into these tiny plastic bags which save a ton of space.

4. Toiletry Bag $25 - Same thin material as the packing cubes, same saucy purple color. Holds all of my non-liquid toiletries (the liquid ones go in a ziploc).

5. Purse $98 - Three years ago, when Patrick and I began talking about this RTW trip, I saw this bag on sale at Kate Spade and thought, "That would be perfect for our imaginary trip!". Flash forward to present day and I'm ACTUALLY USING IT! Nylon, ultra-light, top-zip, interior pockets, this bag is amazing. Kate Spade doesn't make it anymore because they're idiots, but Jack Spade and Tory Burch both make something similar.

Clothes

I am not a travel-clothes person.

I just don't see the allure in their boxy silhouettes, zip-off appendages, and putty-hued color schemes. Patrick was singing the praises of wool, the magical fabric that doesn't wrinkle or stink, but I have avoided it due to it's extreme itch-factor. Patrick introduced me to a new wool clothing company, boasting impossibly soft products, so I bought a t shirt without trying it on (idiot). Once I finally put it on at home, I had to immediately take a shower because my skin was still crawling even after I'd taken it off. So, instead of trying to change into a travel-clothes person, I just packed, like, normal people clothes.

1. Jacket $70 - This ultra light puffy jacket packs into a tiny stuff sack so I can shove into my bag and forget about it until it's needed. While I would much prefer a less outdoorsy looking jacket, the packability makes it worth it. Originally purchased for Disneyland, because sometimes it can get chilly during World of Color.

2. Rain Jacket $70 - I've been hoarding this rain jacket since college and now it's finally getting some use. I detest outdoor gear, but it's definitely lighter, and takes up less space than an umbrella.

3. Black Sweater $10 - I plucked this winner off a Uniqlo sale rack a few years ago as a plane sweater for long international flights. It's a ridiculously soft and warm modal/cotton/spandex blend. It's not on their site anymore but I posted a similar sweater.

4. Grey Sweater $58 - I used to buy these sweaters in black in bulk. It was my go-to staple for work for years. Three quarter sleeve (I'm constantly pushing up my sleeves), cotton blend, machine washable, perfect. For this trip I bought one in grey (gasp!) because I thought "maybe vacation-Maja wears grey!". I wish I brought black.

5. Black T Shirts $20 - I brought two of these shirts because I wear one almost every day. 100% cotton, super light, breathable and comfortable.

6. Burgundy T Shirt $9 - I threw in a colored shirt (I know, crazy) because I thought maybe I'll want a little color? I only wear this when my black shirts are dirty.

7. Camisole $10 - This super-thin nylon/cupro camisole wears like a second skin. Perfect for under sweaters.

8. Long Camisole $8 - Long camisoles are a must for long flights. I freak out if my shirt rides up and my lower back touches the plane seat (EW EW EW), so this long cami comes down over my hips and keeps me covered.

9. Slip $28 - Simple slip, super thin and lightweight, takes up hardly any space.

 10. Black Day/Night Dress $237 - I'd been eyeing this Vince dress for a while and snagged it after it finally went on sale. It's basically a sexy black bag with excellent tailoring. It transitions well from day to night and is oh so comfortable. It's sold out everywhere but I linked to this season's version.

11. Black Beach/Day Dress $118 - I love this dress because I can wear it as a swimsuit cover-up or as proper dress with a slip underneath. It's discontinued, but I linked to a similar style.

12. Floral Dress $98 - This floral number by Maeve is great because it just slips on, no zippers or buttons. Unfortunately it's discontinued as well, but basically any of Anthropologie's day dresses will do the trick.

13. Bras $36 - I brought two of these basic t-shirt bras. Bonus: the straps convert into a racerback.

14. Undies $28 -  I packed 7 of these guys because they fold up into nothing so why not. They are super soft and machine washable.

15. Sports Bra $38 - Holds 'em in place. Enough said.

16. Socks $12 - Basic, white short socks. Easy to toss and replace when I feel like some freshies.

17. Jogging Pants $25 - I love these simple stretchy capris. Great for workouts, lounging, and long plane rides. Plus they're thick enough to avoid the Lulu-see-through issue.

18. Exercise Top $10 - Simple, lightweight, does the job, and cheap enough to throw away when it gets too grungy.

19. Swimsuit $130 - I bought this suit years ago in black and it still looks good as new. Simple, flattering, and comfortable.

20. Swimsuit cover $13 - I like to have something to throw on over my suit to get me to/from the beach/pool so I'm not like "HERE'S MY BUTT!" to everyone I pass. Super light material, folds up into nothing.

21. Shorts $20 - I normally hate shorts but these light linen ones are pretty lovely for when it's just too hot for pants.

22. Jeans $48 - I wear these almost every day when the weather allows. Soft, comfortable, casual denim.

23. Nightie $115 - I need something between my skin and Airbnb sheets or else I'll be up all night thinking about when's the last time they were washed.

24. Scarf $59 - Super soft cashmere/silk blend. Keeps me cozy during chilly flights, and can be used as an evening wrap, or headscarf, if necessary.

25. Runners $49 Lightweight, supportive, comfortable.

26. Sneakers $70 - These are the absolute best sneakers. I can wear them all day, every day, and they are always comfortable. I'd been wearing classic Chucks for 20 years before the Chuck II's came out, and Nike's updates are LIFE CHANGING. The Lunarlon footbed feels like walking on pillows. They're getting kinda dirty (white shoe problems) so I'll switch them out with the fresh pair waiting for me in SF when I'm there in July.

27. Sandals $60 - Simple, cheap, slip-on sandal. Hoping to swap these out for something more fabulous in Europe.

28. Espadrilles $25 - Amazingly cheap and comfortable espadrilles from Target. The floral pattern is no longer available, but they have other cute versions. Completely unnecessary and a total waste of space but I love them.

29. Shower Flops $3 - An absolute MUST for gross hostel showers.

Junk (aka Gear)

1. MacBook $1600 - Only weighs 2 lbs, bright, quiet, long battery life, and it's GOLD. Patrick and I are booking our trip as we go so a computer is a must. Ever try navigating a budget airline website on an iPhone? No thanks!

2. iPhone 6+ $750 - Great camera, all-day battery life, enormous screen, doubles as a cheese plate.

3. iPhone Case $36 - In addition to being pretty, this Rifle Paper Co. case has a rubber insert and a hard outer shell which provides protection without too much bulk. A shattered screen would be a major bummer because unlike America, the rest of the world doesn't have Apple stores on every block.

4. Leica Q $4400 - The most incredible camera I've ever used. I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to have it, it's so beautiful. Shooting with this thing makes me so, so happy.

5. Camera Bag $20 - Totally ugly but it's small and does the job. I carry it inside my purse (don't want to draw attention to the fact I'm carrying a camera) so I didn't want it to take up too much space.

6. Headphones $300 - Great for long plane rides. Noise canceling, and teeny-tiny for packability.

7. Earbuds $30 - Good for the gym so I don't get my Bose all sweaty.

8. Plug Adapter $7 - Covers all the countries we're going to, and all the plugs snap into each other so it's super compact.

9. Notebook $20 - Lightweight Japanese notebook with water-resistant cover. Absolutely necessary for the dozens of lists I'm constantly scribbling down all day.

10. Passport $110 - Slightly worried I'm going to run out of pages and am going to have to deal with the circus of renewing internationally. I'll just continue to ignore it until it becomes an issue!

11. Card Case $6 - This little card case from Poppin in the best. It comes in 10 colors, is super slim, and has a freakin magnet so it stays closed. Holds my ID, Visa, MC, AmEx, and debit card.

12. Planner $7 - Easy way for me to keep a visual record of what we've done. Totally unnecessary but it's fun.

13. Pens $12 - I know it's insane to carry six pens everywhere but I love them.

 14. Purell $2 - After a cab, on the plane, after any public restroom, before every meal, after touching a door, basically I'm using this stuff all day.

15. Mints $2 - I have jaw problems due to work stress (lol) so mints are easier for me than gum. That sentence made me sound 100 years old.

16. Sunglasses $116 - Ray-Bans just seemed so romantic and classic. These High Street versions provide a little more coverage than the traditional Wayfarer.

17. Water Bottle $8 - I have mixed emotions about this water bottle. When we've needed it, we've NEEDED it. For example, in Curaçao we got to our hostel super late at night, the water is not safe to drink, there weren't any stores open, so we needed something to sanitize tap water in. In that instance, I'm SO glad I had it. But most of the time, it just takes up space. Maybe I'll make Patrick carry it.

18. Ear Plugs $6 - I packed 14 pairs because this brand is the best and I hate shitty ear plugs and I'm crazy.

19. Neck Pillow $7 - I am a serious bobble-necker so I need this thing to sleep on planes. It's inflatable, so it folds down into nothing. I'm not picky about eye masks, so I just use the freebies provided by the airline.

20. Blanket $38 - This thing folds out to be 55"x70", packs up into the size of a croissant, and is surprisingly warm for how thin it is. I hate the texture of airplane blankets, so I prefer to use this one. 

Beauty

1. Toothbrush $Free - Whatever free toothbrush I got from my dentist and an adorable toothbrush cover that reminds me of Toothfairy tooth boxes.

2. Razor $10 - Packed one razor and three replacement blades. When I run out of replacements I'll just buy a groovy foreign razor.

3. Toothpaste $4 - I'm very specific (crazy) about toothpaste, so I packed three travel tubes (I know, crazy) but was totally jazzed to see it stocked in almost every drugstore we've been in so far.

4. Leave-In Conditioner $10 - I'm just about to run out of this and I'm panicking. Fingers crossed I can find something equivalent soon.

5. Facial Spray $7 - A completely unnecessary pure luxury. I love this stuff. I use it right when I get out of the shower, on airplanes, in the evening before dinner; anytime my face is feeling a little dry/tired.

6. Sunscreen $9 - This is the best sunscreen. I'm pale AF and this stuff works. AND, the standard size is airplane friendly.

7. Facial Cleanser $8 - I had a bunch of these squirreled away from Clinique Bonus Gifts, so I packed two. Once they run out I'll just pick up whatever wherever.

8. Face Cream $28 - I just recently became acquainted with Honest Beauty and I love their products. This stuff is a really good super sheer moisturizer + SPF 30. It separates like crazy so you gotta shake the hell out of it before you apply, but it's worth it.

9. Deodorant $4 - No one likes a stinker.

10. Makeup Remover $8 - I've been using this Clinique formula for 15 years and it's my absolute favorite. It's super gentle and works super well.

11. Olaplex $23 - Great weekly hair masque to add some protein back into my lightened locks.

12. Hand Cream $15 - My hands can get kinda dry on long flights, and this cream makes them feel like buttah. Plus, no oily residue so you don't get gross smudges all over your iPhone.

13. Insect Repellent $9 - OMG bugs LOVE me. Our second day in St. Maarten I got SIXTEEN mosquito bites because I forgot to reapply this stuff at night. Meanwhile, Patrick forgot as well and got zero bites.

14. Floss Picks $4 - I'm terrified of having dental issues abroad so for the first time in my life I'm actually flossing regularly. These little guys make it fun and easy.

15. Pressed Powder $27 - I've been using this kind of pressed powder since my sophomore year of high school. No matter how many new brands I try I always come back to it. The formula is light and the coverage is incredible. It's like an eraser for your skin.

16. Mascara $32 -Lengthens, thickens, curls, and separates without clumping or flaking. I brought two so I'd have my next one ready to go (remember to toss your mascara every 3 months!) forgetting you can buy Chanel cosmetics in almost every duty-free shop.

17. Blush $28 - I think Bobbi Brown makes the best blushes. This one (Slopes) is the perfect natural flush shade for light skin.

18. Eyebrow Pencil $21 - I have completely garbage eyebrows so I have to pencil them on every morning. I packed five of these pencils because running out is simply not an option.

19. Tweezers $15 - To shape my garbage eyebrows.

20. Blush Brush $14 - Self explanatory.

21. Lipstick $38 - When I'm feeling like a ragamuffin I can just swipe on some lipstick and then suddenly I'm a Bond girl. The Chantecaille Lip Sheer formula is incredible, and Flare is the perfect shade of red.

22. Lip Balm $9 - Last December I was in Seattle for the holidays and I forgot my lip balm so I popped into the nearest shop (Kiehl's) and was horrified when they told me the price. $9 for LIP BALM?! What is it made out of, MOON ROCKS? Anyway, of course it's incredible and now I'm totally addicted.

23. Eyelash Curler $16 - Best eyelash curler. Period.

24. Cologne $Free - I love Jo Malone's colognes (I don't wear anything else). They're beautiful individually or really fun to layer. You can go to any Jo Malone counter and ask for samples (they'll usually give you a handful) so I just packed five little vials and they should last me until July when I can stock up.

25. Q-Tips $2 - To correct all my makeup mistakes.

26. Hairbrush $17 - I LOVE this tiny hairbrush. It weighs nothing, gets all my knots out, and is easy to clean.

27. Bobby Pins $5 - To keep my hair out of my face.

28. Curling Iron $10 - I know you're probably like, "SHE PACKED A GD CURLING IRON IS SHE CRAZY" but sometimes I just want to feel pretty.

Things I buy along the way because you can find them anywhere: shampoo, conditioner, soap, and tampons

Things I originally brought and have tossed/shipped home:

• hairspray (yeah, right)
• hairdryer (everywhere we've stayed has had one I can use)
• passport holder (while oh so classy, every immigration agent has made me take my passport out of the holder so it felt like a hassle)
• a dress (three is enough)
• a fancy top (if I'm dressing up I'll just wear a dress)
• watercolors (that was aspirational)
• another iPhone case (totally unnecessary)
• body lotion (use sunscreen instead)
• travel towel (everywhere we've stayed has had towels)
• leather pencil case (dead weight)

Are you still reading this? You're incredible. If you have any questions or suggestions, please comment below!

]]>https://intl.lol/2016/04/patricks-rtw-pack-list/patrickSun, 17 Apr 2016 13:05:00 +0000Gearhttp://intl.lol/?p=496  When planning for this trip, I really enjoyed reading posts about what things people doing RTW trips decided to bring with them, so I wanted to share my own list for those interested as well. My selections are based mostly around the following: Most-weather appropriate. Although we're planning on … 

When planning for this trip, I really enjoyed reading posts about what things people doing RTW trips decided to bring with them, so I wanted to share my own list for those interested as well.

My selections are based mostly around the following:

• Most-weather appropriate. Although we're planning on visiting mostly warm climates, being comfortable in 50F/10C weather is important.
• Fits in a carry-on. We want to minimize our time in airports and the likelihood of lost luggage.
• Multi-day wear for most clothes. We won't always have easy access to washer/dryers, and doing laundry in the sink is a pain (though we'll still do it). For this reason I've preferred things that are quick-drying and reusable without washing.
• Good looking and not overtly outdoors-y or sporty. I like minimal, unbranded stuff a lot.

The best advice I read in preparation was "You'll bring as much stuff as your pack will allow" and with that in mind I specifically chose a bag on the smaller side of things (34L). I haven't yet regretted it.

The links are mostly referral links, since I'm currently unemployed. Thanks for your support.

Packing

GoRuck GR2 (34L)

My only real bag. I love this bag. Everything mentioned below fits in this bag, all at once (except for the stuff I wear, like the Cons), which is kind of insane. This bag, while on the "heavier" side of travel bags, has an extremely minimal exterior (no dangling straps, yay!) and a very feature-packed interior. It has no waist straps, which initially turned me off, but I realized because of the small size and weight (~10kg fully loaded) it doesn't matter too much. It's smaller than the carry-on limit for basically all airlines and I've had no problem fitting it anywhere. There's a 40L version, which has the same width and length, but is a little taller, if that's your thing. The thing I like most about it is the internal top pockets, which make grabbing small items (cables, headphones, etc) super easy, even blind.

GoRuck Padded Field Pocket (GR1 Size)

I use this for all my toiletries. Like the GR2 bag, it is indestructible. It has nice little pockets on the inside to keep my stuff in place when I open it, and it's long enough to hold a toothbrush.

Eagle Creek Packing Cubes

I really only use the biggest one for all my clothes. It fits perfectly in the base of my bag, and I like that it has double zippers - it makes it easier to close when tightly packed.

Herschel Packable Backpack

I use this as my day bag when I need to carry more that just a sweater or jacket. Like everything else, it's super light and packs into almost nothing. Looks cool (read: non-touristy) too. I use this way more than I initially thought I would – great value given the price!

Basics

ExOfficio Give-N-Go Boxer Briefs

These are the best. They're comfortable, dry quickly, and don't smell for days. Although the logo decal peels off pretty quickly, they have been holding up as well as I heard and hoped they would.

Uniqlo Airism Crew Neck T-Shirt

I should have brought more (than one) of these. They're ultra comfortable, super light, and quick drying. Which is good because they do get smelly kinda quickly and require frequent washing. That said, it's a really great base layer under wool shirts that would otherwise be a bit too itchy. One note: They're very thin, so don't plan on wearing them solo, unless you're okay with the visible-nips look.

Mission Workshop Sector Wool T-Shirt

Good Basic. Doesn't get smelly, strong, dries fast, looks good, not overly sporty or brand-heavy, and about $20 cheaper than other wool t-shirts. I like the cut a little more than the Outlier shirt – I wear a large and it's quite trim. A little on the itchy side but not annoying.

Outlier Ultrafine Merino T-Shirt

On the more expensive side ($98!) but totally amazing. Much softer than other wool t-shirts, enough to wear without anything underneath, thick enough to be warm but still breathable and easy. I don't love their thick crew-neck design but it's not a deal breaker. Sadly mine got a small hole in the side shortly after receiving it, but hopefully it stays small.

Darn Tough Vermont Standard Issue (Mid-Calf / Light Cushion) Wool Socks

I came out with these and some Smartwool socks. Although pretty similar, I prefer the Darn Toughs. They still feel brand new and I've been wearing them for almost a month and have washed them at least 5 times. Wool socks are significantly better than cotton socks, I'm not sure why I haven't always just worn these.

Jackets

Marmot Precip Rain Jacket

Love this jacket. It packs into its own pocket and is very lightweight. I got it in bright pylon orange because – hey – why not be as visible as possible in the rain. Marmot has another rain jacket that's even lighter (Essance, I believe), but it was a little steep at $350. Since it's totally windproof, I've ended up wearing this jacket a lot more than I thought I would, and it's been totally worthwhile.

Marmot Quasar Hooded Down Jacket

This is my "warmth" jacket. It also packs into its own pocket and is ultra light. I can wear it on its own or under the rain jacket for extra warmth. I love it for the breast pocket which is super useful for receipts, cash, or a quick spot to hold my phone. (It's big enough it hold a 6 Plus!) My only complaint is that some of the down has been leaking out already and it's only 2 months old. Hopefully that curtails itself.

You'll notice both jackets are from Marmot. I tend to really like their stuff – it's a bit more expensive than Northface or other outdoor brands but the fits are nice (they tend to be a little longer which is great for tall guys like me) and the designs are a little sharper.

Other Clothes and Accessories

Gym Clothes

I wanted to be able to workout and run while traveling so I've brought along a set of Nike Dri-Fit socks, shirt, and shorts. I haven't been running or working out as much as I had hoped (story of my life) but it's still been very useful to have a complete extra set of clothes just in case, like when I want to wash all my other clothes.

Outlier New Way Longs

I bought these as as soon as they came out to replace my Levi's Commuter shorts that I started out with. The Levi's were good but were a little heavy weight for travel and took forever to dry. These double as swim trunks and include an internal drawstring which is rad. A little stretchy too, so very comfortable.

Wool & Prince Button-Down Shirt

I thought it was important to bring at least 1 dress shirt for nice dinners, consulate interviews and the like. I choose the Wool & Prince one after seeing it on Tynan's list and I haven't been disappointed. It's obviously wool, like everything else, so it doesn't crease too much. I went with the dark grey and love the fit.

Naked and Famous Skinny Guy Stretch Selvedge Jeans

Every day wear. They held up well for the first month but the thing about jeans is that they take forever to dry. That said, they are durable as hell and comfortable enough to wear every day. I like Naked and Famous because a) they're selvedge demin tends to be cheaper than a lot of the super expensive Japanese stuff, and b) they're made in Canada. Mine were starting to fall apart a bit (a few loose threads in the leg hole and on the leather patch) but Maja patched them up for me 'cause she's the best.

Outlier Slim Dungarees

Unfortunately, I made the mistake of buying these too late to exchange (they didn't have any longs in stock for the longest time) and they turned out to be a bit too small. I've brought them with me anyways, both because they are small and light enough, and because as planned, I've been losing weight on the trip, and will likely fit into them more comfortably very soon. Hopefully around the same time as I blow out my Naked and Famous jeans, and I can swap one for the other.

Patagonia Long Sleeve T-Shirt

While a little sporty for me, a long sleeve t-shirt is super helpful to have for layering when it's a bit cold but not cold enough for the down jacket. This one was relatively cheap and is holding up well.

Surgical Rubber Clothesline

This came from the Wirecutter's recommended travel items list and I'm super glad I brought it. I wash clothes a lot (at least once a week) and having something to hang them on instead of just chairs or tables is extremely useful.

Shoes

Converse Chuck Taylor II

Best shoes. Super comfortable, stylish enough to fit in everywhere, durable, inexpensive. I hope to wear one pair the whole trip, but we'll see how far I can take them.

Nike Free Flyknit 4.0

Great travel running shoes because they're super lightweight and have very little upper structure. The Flyknit fabric upper can be flattened almost completely so they pack into my bag very neatly, and then I can still have running shoes! The stretchy upper also means that I can slip them on and off quickly if I just need to run out of the house on a quick errand or something.

Tom's Sandals

These are great because they're a little thicker and more durable than regular flip flops, and they come in real sizes, not just S/M/L. Comfy strap too.

Tech

MacBook (2015) (Not pictured)

This isn't really mine – it's Maja's. But I do have the pleasure of carrying it for her and getting to use it quite often. We share it, and that's worked out pretty well, partially because I've also brought...

iPad Mini (2015) + Smart Cover

This doesn't need too much explanation - it's great to have an extra ultra light and small computer to browse/email/write/etc while the real laptop is in use. It's also nice to watch Netflix/Twitch. The smart cover is absolutely necessary for this.

Anker PowerCore 15200

This power pack is a little heavy but has capacity for 4 full iPhone charges, which is pretty amazing. (Or 1 iPad and 2 iPhones, etc.) It also has 2 USB ports which is handy when traveling with a partner. It's a little overkill though - Next time I have the chance I'll probably pick up something smaller, probably the the PowerCore 10000.

Anker Lightning Cables (6ft and 1ft)

MFi certified and way hardier than Apple's (somewhat fragile) cables, having one long and one short is the way to go. Every time I see someone hunched over so that they can use their phone while it's tethered to an outlet I cry a little inside – it doesn't have to be that way!

B&O H3 In-Ear Headphones and Comply TSX-200 Earphone Tips

These are great for airplane travel. Good sound, and the plugs block out cabin noise super well. I don't generally like in-ear headphones (I hate sticking stuff in my ears, and the foam tips can get gross after many uses), but I got these because they are so tiny and easy to carry. That said...

Sony H.ear On Headphones

I bought these in Buenos Aires because I was tired of having to put in earplugs every time I wanted to listen to music. They're super comfortable and sound totally great. Probably the most comfortable headphones I've ever worn. I plan to keep the B&O plugs for plane rides though. It'll be sort of ridiculous that I travel with 2 sets of headphones, but oh well. I don't love the flat cable these come with, but luckily it seems to be replaceable, and I'll swap it out with something I like more in the near future.

iPhone 6S Plus and Incipio Feather iPhone 6S Plus Case

The iPhone 6S Plus has the best camera, so it's the one I've brought with me.

I usually can't do iPhone cases for more than a month, but so far this Incipio one is sticking pretty well. It's thin enough to not be distracting and gives my iPhone some much needed grip and protection. It's also super cheap, and way more durable than the Apple iPhone cases, which generally fall apart after a month.

That's it! Believe it or not all that stuff fits in my bag and it's just around 10kg, plus the clothes I happen to wear to the airport (Usually the jeans, since they are the heaviest).

I plan to keep this post updated as I add or remove things from my pack, but hopefully that won't happen to often. Changes will be noted below this line.

Our visit to Lima was short and sweet. We selected a hip little loft in Barranco, the “bohemian” neighborhood, to call home. Located South of the main city center, we found Barranco to be wonderfully relaxed and quiet, with tons of cute cafes and small shops.

We landed at the airport quite late, and after determining the taxi situation was a complete shit show, we called an Uber (Travis, you win again) to our Airbnb. Our adorable hosts (an anthropologist and an architect) welcomed us to the loft with a bottle of Malbec, tiny cakes, and little helpful handwritten notes (in English!) sprinkled throughout the space. 

We popped across the street to a wood-burning oven pizza restaurant, carbo loaded before bed (?) and then went home to pass out. 

In the morning Patrick hacked the TV to activate Netflix (!!!) and I spent the morning watching Pulp Fiction. I have a serious TV addiction, and after going FOUR WEEKS without watching TV I was in heaven. Finally we were like, ok we’re in a new city we should probably leave the house, so we walked down to the Barranco Beer Company. Patrick ordered one of the most giant focaccia sandwiches I have ever seen (it was delicious) while I munched on a salad (boring) and tried the beer sampler. I hate the taste of beer but I love the concept so I’m trying to teach myself to like it. Meanwhile Patrick is patiently teaching me about the different compositions of each type of beer (as far as I can tell they either have too much hops or not enough?) while I still think each type just tastes like… beer. 

We spent the rest of the afternoon exploring the neighborhood, ducking into shops and cafes to cool down. Oh, did I mention Lima was 90 degrees and super humid? As soon as I got out of the shower I would immediately start sweating again (sexy, I know). 

We went for an early dinner at Cala, oddly one of the only two restaurants on the water. Despite the BUMPIN bar downstairs (on a Monday?) the restaurant was DEAD so we scored a water-front table on their patio. We ordered Pisco Sours (apparently there’s some drama between Peru and Chile on who invented pisco) and they were okay. I haven’t had a Pisco Sour in a few years (I don’t love cocktails with raw egg whites) but I remember them being better. I had some delicious shrimpy ricey thing (I know you’re not supposed to eat shrimp abroad because they’re filled with the most ocean germs but I just love those little dudes so much I can’t help myself). 

Tuesday was touristy day, with the first stop at the San Francisco cathedral and catacombs. We scored an English speaking tour guide who lead us on a speedy walkthrough of the incredible cathedral. This place had everything; a beautiful historic library, hand-painted tiles imported from Italy, intricately tension-set carved wood ceilings, gold-leafed walls, and giant oil paintings hanging outside (they have to be restored every three months?!). We walked through the catacombs which were INSANE. This multi-level underground maze of graves, passageways, and massive pits connected via a system of tunnels was mind-blowing. I’d never seen anything like it. Recently, a team of archeologists collected the thousands of skeletons, sorted the bones, and arranged them into orderly designs. I guess seeing a bunch of piles of similar bones is less jarring than seeing piles of complete skeletons? But the idea of archeologists arguing over what type of pattern in which to layout the bones ("Chevron, no, spiral!") makes me cringe. 

From there we walked to Plaza Mayor to check out the Government Palace and City Hall. The buildings were impressively beautiful and the palace guards wore very regal/silly uniforms like the guards at Buckingham Palace. 

Next, we sweated our way over to the Mercado Central, Lima's largest market. It. Had. EVERYTHING. Every type of fruit, vegetable, fish, meat, cheese, pastry, juice, spice, grain, cooking utensil, plastic bag, pet food, party supply, and a ton of other stuff I'm forgetting. Walking up and down the narrow aisles I wanted to buy everything and so instead I bought nothing.

I settled into one of the busy little lunch stalls and had ceviche (fresh raw fish cured in citrus juice), aji de gallina (slightly spicy, creamy, yellow chicken stew served over rice and potatoes), and some VERY sweet, cold tea. I felt like a local, I was the only obvious tourist I could see, and my whole lunch was $5. 

We cabbed to Love Park, a beautiful art-filled spot with views of the ocean. We sat and  watched the paragliders fly over the ocean and debated whether or not we should take the plunge. We decided instead to get crepes at this impressively branded French crepe kiosk, and they were delicious. Every time I watch a crepe being made I still think of Amélie. 

After stuffing ourselves full of hot, delicious dough and cheese we walked along the waterfront down the Miraflores boulevard to Larcomar, a giant new development full of shopping and snacking. I was able to pick up a new pair of jeans (mine old ones were DONE) and we lazily explored the rest of the shops. After a long walk home we were very ready for a siesta. 

Dinner that night was a short walk away at the Sofa Cafe were we sampled local flavors like chicha morada (a sweet drink made from purple corn, pineapple, cinnamon, clove, and sugar) and lomo saltado (marinated strip steak stir fried with onions, tomatoes, peppers, served with fries and rice). After walking home we were ready to call it a night. 

The next morning Patrick woke up with a cold, so we decided to have a stay-at-home-day. We spent the day lounging around reading, trip planning, doing research (me) and coding (Patrick).

We ventured out in the afternoon to Molle, a bistro/cafe/flower shop/gelateria tour de force for some lunch. It was super cute and we would have loved to have gone back six more times. After, we walked down to Starbucks; the universally familiar oasis of air conditioning, good wifi, and Oprah chai. Once we were sufficiently chilled we went to MATE, Mario Testino's photography museum in a beautifully restored classical mansion. The museum is a progression of tiny rooms featuring giant prints of his most famous photographs. Most impressive was the largest room at the end dedicated solely to his work with Princess Diana. The room also included one of her couture gowns. "She was so tall!", Patrick exclaimed, standing next to the mannequin. Tall people always notice these things. She was 5'10".

We got takeout for dinner and enjoyed a lazy night in, focused on Patrick kicking his cold. 

The next morning we packed up and headed to the airport. I loved our time in Lima, and would definitely return to see more of the city. Maybe when it's a little bit colder. :)

After a somewhat harrowing cab ride into town from the airport (this seems to be a common theme of our trip) we arrived at an AirBNB in the Old Town part of Quito, a UNESCO World Heritage site. Here comes the small details: First, our view of Old Town was incredible.

Second, the building, like the town, was very old. As part of being so old, didn't have windows or doors that sealed very well. This isn't a problem from a weather point of view – despite being at roughly 10,000 feet, Quito also lies about 25km south of the equator, so the temperate year round is fairly steady at 65F/19C year round. It was, however, a problem from a light and sound point of view. Quito – at least, the Old Town – gets up very early. The sun rises at 6:15AM but even before that there are lots of dogs barking, roosters crowing, car alarms unchecked, and church bells ringing. (Old Town has 40 churches). We were both up by 7AM every day.

This schedule, while somewhat disorienting for late sleepers like us, turned out to be alright. We were able to do and see more in the mornings and get to bed early, as the district we're in wasn't exactly renowned for it's safety at night. That said, I think it will be a while before either Maja or I become morning people.

Further, being up on a hill meant that every trip out of the house meant a real hike to return home. Although we had some time to acclimate to the high altitude in Bogotá, we were still winded the first few days every time we returned from anywhere.

Speaking of going out, here's some highlights of the stuff we did in Quito, in no particular order.

TelefériQo

After trying unsuccessfully to sleep in, we grabbed a quick, delicious coffee from a cute cafe down the hill from us and decided to check out the city from above, like we did in Bogotá. Quito has something it calls a "TelefériQo", a gondola which takes you up to the Cruz Loma lookout, next to the Pichincha Volcano. While the ride itself had lots of good views, being at the top was pretty majestic. It was about 3,000 feet above Quito, meaning it was roughly 13,000 feet above sea level. If you're thinking "This must cause altitude sickness," you are correct. Luckily it wasn't so bad for us, though Maja had a headache that was quickly dispatched by some Coca Tea. If you're thinking "That sounds like it has cocaine in it," you are also correct. (It's been over a week and she's still occasionally saying "we gotta get some more of that coca tea...")

It was a fun experience! Apparently we lucked out because the clouds were soaring just above our heads but luckily not so low as to block our view of the city. It was a really surreal feeling, knowing that you're standing on ground which is higher than when you're normally allowed to take off your seatbelt on a plane.

Plaza Grande

In the center of Old Town lies the Plaza Grande, which we walked through many times. It features the President's house on one side, the oldest hotel in Quito on the other, the Archbishop's Palace, and some other stuff that was less important. Most important, however, was the monument in the center, to the Heroes of August 10, 1809, the fine people who made Ecuadorian independence happen.

Something fun I didn't know: Ecuador was the first South American colony to gain independence from Spain, and as such earned the nickname "The Light of South America".

Walking Tour of Old Town / Calle de la Ronda

We took a great free walking tour of old town that took us to a bunch of cool spots we wouldn't have otherwise seen, like Calle de la Ronda, the "bohemian" area of Old Town with lots of cute shops and restaurants, and the central market, full of super colorful fruits and locals and smells and flavors. Highly recommended.

Iglesia de la Compañia de Jesus

There were lots of churches and super old buildings in Quito, but this one really takes the cake. Inside ("No fotos, señor!") everything is covered in GOLD. I mean, look at this place. I know those bible stories don't all stick, but I think we can all remember when Jesus said "Build me a church made of solid gold! Gold is best!" (It was in Deuteronomy, natch).

Anyway, this place took 160 years to build, which means all of the people who started building it died before it finished. BAD ASS.

Parque La Carolina

We took a day to explore the north part of town – the modern, normal part of Quito. It was modern and normal. There was a huge mall ("Quicentro") with lots of ridiculously overpriced cell phones. (Well, maybe not for Quito, but compared to the USA – YEP).

The best part was walking through Parque La Corolina, a big park in the center of business district. This park had everything. A Dinosaur exhibit, a dirt bike track, weird statues, cool snack vendors, you name it. After so many days of hanging out in the old town, it was nice to reconnect with regular, modern life.

Off Day

We took a day in Quito to do nothing really. We sat around and read books and caught up on internet stories and we tried to order pizza but that didn't work so we went out and got a little dinner somewhere unremarkable. Overall it was a great day.

Jesús del Gran Poder

Although we didn't specifically plan it, we were lucky enough to be in Quito on Good Friday. This is lucky because Quito has the second largest Good Friday March, or "Jesús del Gran Poder" in the world (Seville holds the largest). The march features "Cucuruchos", people dressed in purple garb and coned headwear, often carrying crosses or other uncomfortable jesus-related paraphernalia, sometimes without shirts, whipping themselves. It's all very weird, but it's also very traditional. It was quito a sight to behold.

Overall, our time in Quito was well-enjoyed. After staying 5 days, we were happy to get out and move on to the next destination – Lima, Peru!

We spent less than 72 hours in Bogotá, here’s what we did.

Saturday

1:30p Get in

After landing at the enormous new Bogotá airport (a huge change from the airplane hanger in Panama we flew out of) we hopped in a cab. Like most of the countries we’ve visited so far, everyone drives crazy. Most of the time one or more of the seat belts are missing, as if the driver was like, “What the hell are these weird straps for? Better get rid of these!”. We pulled into the Hilton Hotel (we were dying for a hot shower and it was only $70/night) along with a giant bus with a police escort that we deduced was transporting a soccer team. This meant there was 24/7 police presence (along with the cutest golden retriever bomb dogs) outside our hotel during our entire stay. The taxi driver tried to rip us off, we countered, and settled on $22,000 COP ($7 USD). The hotel was super nice, and we delightfully settled in.

3:30p Dos cervezas, por favor

We walked over to the Bogotá Beer Company, which was not easy. Due to the altitude (8,660 feet above sea level) it felt like we were walking through jello. Once we finally arrived we ordered some of their brews and snacks, but the bar felt very American/European, which was not really the experience we were looking for, so we were like BYE.

7:00p What is happening

After a very bumpy cab ride we got to Gaira Café, a giant, eclectic local restaurant/bar/Cumbia house. The decor was industrial shabby chic meets music paraphernalia explosion. We snagged a table on the wrap-around balcony right above the stage and enjoyed some Colombian fare and drinks. When I ordered a glass of wine our waitress looked at me like I had sixteen eyeballs. Either I had accidentally said something offensive in my rusty Spanish (very possible) or people just never order wine at Gaira. Patrick, smartly, stuck with beer. The music/show started around 9p and from that point on we had no idea what was happening. The show began with actors/singers dressed as doctors trying to pull sleepy ladies in pajamas up onto the stage. As far as we could tell the rest of the show consisted of singers (possibly impersonating local artists) trying to cure the sleepy ladies with their music. The house band was fantastic, the singers were like, too good, and the show was a rollercoaster of lights, costumes and music. The audience LOVED IT. They were on their feet dancing, buying bottle after bottle of alcohol, and singing along to the music. The energy was incredible. Bogotá definitely knows how to party.

Sunday

10:00a To market, to market

We munched our way through the hotel’s incredible breakfast buffet and headed up to Usaquen for the Sunday outdoor market. We grabbed some authentic Colombian coffees and walked through stall after stall of hand crafted art, jewelry, furniture, clothing, and local delicacies. I wanted to buy everything, so instead I bought nothing, and we continued on to explore the rest of the colorful neighborhood.

12:00p History lesson

We walked through the Colombian National Museum, the largest and oldest museum in Colombia. The building was built in 1832 and used as a prison, until it was adapted for the museum in 1948. It houses a collection of over 20,000 pieces of art and objects, ranging from artifacts dating back to 10,000 BC, to twentieth century local art. The building itself was incredible, and very much felt like walking through an old, beautiful prison.

1:30p We’re full, let’s order the pasta

We strolled one block over to Tabula, one of the most delicious and most beautiful restaurants I have ever experienced. Flavorful, simple, and fresh tapas, hand-painted plates, bright, open, and airy space with a giant living wall and beautiful dark wood furniture. It was like a Colombian version of Foreign Cinema (our favorite restaurant in San Francisco) and I didn’t want to leave. After enjoying a number of delicious dishes and completely satiated, the couple next to us received an unbelievable looking lasagna. So, we immediately ordered the pasta del día, a house made red linguine with roasted tomatoes and melted cheese. I wanted to take a bath in it.

3:00p Cheezels

We walked through the Chapinero neighborhood, full of narrow tree-lined streets and cute shops. We tried to check out Bourbon Coffee Roasters and Lapercha (a Colombian design store) but were disappointed to find they were both closed. Instead we wandered the aisles of a nearby supermarket (one of my favorite things to do in foreign cities) and laughed at all of the the funny snacks in their kooky packaging.

7:00p Netflix and chill

We had every intention of going out for dinner, but after more than two solid weeks of travel and restaurants, we just wanted to, like, chill. We took advantage of our fancy hotel and ordered room service for dinner (empanadas, ajiaco, and wine) and rented Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation on pay-per-view. It was heavenly.

Monday

10:00a Cheese and chocolate

I was overly excited to try my first traditional, Bogotá-style breakfast. La Puerta Falsa, celebrating it’s 200th birthday this year (!) is a tiny hole in the wall restaurant just off one of the most popular plazas in Bogotá. We got a Chocolate Completo which consists of almojabana (bread roll made with cuajada cheese and corn flower), pan con mantequilla (bread with butter), queso (a triangle of fresh cheese), and a cup of hot chocolate. You dunk everything (including the cheese) into the hot chocolate and it’s hot and creamy and chocolatey and delicious. We also got a a steaming hot tamale, wrapped in banana leaves with a chicken leg tucked in the middle. Breakfast for two, $15,000 COP ($5 USD).

11:00a Oldies

We spent the rest of the morning exploring Plaza Bolivar, a very popular square surrounded by four architectural highlights: the neoclassical houses of congress, city hall, the supreme court, and Cathedral Primada. Locals were selling bags of corn to feed/throw at the pigeons, kids were running everywhere, tourists were taking selfies with the monuments, the place was hopping.

12:00p Fatties 

We wandered up to Museo Botero, home of the collection of Fernando Botero, Colombia’s most famous visual artist. We uncultured morons described the paintings as “portraits of Augustus Gloop’s relatives”.

1:00p FUNicular

Bogotá is home to Monserrate, a mountain that dominates the city center. It rises to 10,341 feet above sea level, where there is, of course, a church. You can either walk up, yeah right, or choose between the 87 year old funicular or the 63 year old gondola. We chose both; funicular up, gondola down. Both rides were smooth, quick, and scenic as hell. The view from the top was breathtaking (there is hardly any air up there), the church was massive, and there was a sizable market of vendors selling tchotchkes and snacks. It felt otherworldly.

3:00p Oh well

With our feet solidly back at a less-insane elevation, we went to check out some local shops, cafes, and museums. Every single one was closed for the holiday weekend (major bummer) so we wandered around and eventually went back to our hotel.

6:30p Early bird special

Now that we’re an old married couple we like to eat dinner early. We walked over to Club Colombia, a highly-rated restaurant in an old two story mansion. The lavishly over designed interior was starkly contrasted with a simple outdoor patio (where we sat). Despite having tons of waiters, the service was laughably awful, but the food was pretty solid. We grabbed a tres leches cake to go (not as good as yours, Elliott, if you’re reading this) and headed back to our hotel for another nice early evening.

Monday

1:00p Ship out

After a leisurely morning and another spin through the buffet (seriously, it was amazing), we packed up and headed back to the airport. We definitely felt like we would have enjoyed another few days in Bogotá, especially since so many things were closed. We had a wonderful visit, and I’m looking forward to hopefully returning.

Oh, and one of my most favorite things? This guy's dedication to cake protection.

This lack of expectations made it difficult to be surprised, but there was plenty to be both delighted and disgusted by. First, lets dispense with the bad:

• Panama City could not be described as a very clean city. The transit systems seems to have little environmental regulations, and huge plumes of black smoke coming from buses, cars, and motorbikes are very common. Although there is a good amount of trees and plant life throughout the city, there is also garbage, standing water, and power lines dangling alarmingly low from many intersections downtown. After leaving the center of the city, things get slummy pretty quickly.
• It's uncomfortably hot and humid almost all the time. Things settle down at night, but it was routinely high-90s (35C) here during the day.
• The waterfront has a long beautiful park, but it's unfortunately soiled by the awful smell of the low-tide right next to it. The tides in Panama City are fairly intense, as the water will retreat from the shore by a good 10-20 feet.
• Panama is not a walkable city. Sidewalks are often nonexistent, cars are given the right-of-way almost always, and crosswalks feel extremely dangerous. Combined with the heat, the smell, noise, and pollution from the streets make waking anywhere more than a few blocks away unbearable.

Those things said, I can tell you more about the greatness of Panama City:

• The architecture: we saw so many insanely cool skyscrapers, and even more beautiful colonial building throughout Panama, and especially in Casco Viejo, the city's old town, which I'll discuss more later.

• The people: everyone we met was friendly and helpful. We never felt unsafe, and always welcome.

• The cost: our 4-star hotel (Hilton Doubletree) was only $60/night. Beers were $3 and a cab across town was $10.
• The authenticity: This could be an effect of being out of the carribean, where there are so many tourists, but we felt like there were surprisingly few other tourists around. So few, in fact, that we repeatedly saw some of the same travelers in restaurants and bus tours. We spoke Spanish (or least attempted to) with everyone we met, and it was greeted with fast and serious Spanish responses – no one assumed we were simply gringo tourists. (But once they realized, they were happy to be of help and switch to English if possible.)

We spent 5 days in Panama City and there was plenty to do. Here are some of the highlights:

• The Canal: Of course! The sole reason to visit for many. This engineering marvel has a fantastic multi-story visitor center at the Miraflores Locks with viewing decks to watch ships pass. There are roughly 40 transits made per day (at an average toll cost of $140,000!), so there's and good chance you'll get to watch one go through if you decide to visit. Tip: skip the movie; it's not that interesting and already sadly out of date. We chatted with someone who did the crossing on a tourist boat and didn't recommend it because of how long it takes, and how much of the time is simply spent waiting. Interesting note: they are currently building a very major expansion to the Miraflores Locks they will open by the end of the year. It will allow even larger ships to pass quicker, and reuse water to be less wasteful. You can read more about it here.

• Biomuseo: A new, super cool biodiversity museum designed by Frank Gehry. Unfortunately it was so new that only about 1.5 of the 4 exhibit areas were open, and construction was still going on in the areas around it. Still worth seeing, as the 9-screen surround (floor and ceiling!) Panamarama theatre is in full operation which shows a mini Planet Earth-style film that makes for an incredible experience. (I was the only one there when I saw it, and man was it cool.)

• Casco Viejo: The old town! This is where we should have stayed. Tons of cool colonial buildings, many of which are in the process of being restored into restaurants, cafes, and hotels. We got excellent coffee at the Ace-owned American Trade Hotel – one of the nicest hotels I've ever been, anywhere. We had an awesome dinner at the acclaimed Manolo Caracol, and later had beers at La Rana Dorada, a local microbrewery, that were excellent. We drank and took in the city views from the open air rooftop bar at Gatto Blanco. Overall, it was a blast.

Our final night in Panama was a great one for another reason: we got to meet a friend-of-a-friend, Rebecca, who was there on a work trip. We toured the old town with her, shooting portraits in front of buildings and doorways hundreds of times our age. We joined up with her compatriots, Ben and James, and had amazing fish tacos at The Fish Market (a food truck with live music) just down the street from their hotel. After 2 weeks of being with just each other, it was so nice to yam it up with a few new friends.

There are some things we didn't see, such as the views from the club at the 62nd floor of the Hard Rock Megapolis, but I'm happy to leave that for another time. It also would have been nice to explore some more neighborhoods, but we really needed more of a local guide - the city center felt very disjointed to us.

Because of its downsides, Panama City may not be the fantastic vacation destination some of the Panamanians might have hoped it would be. While it's not a city I see myself returning to soon, it's one I do hope I have a reason to visit it again.

We ate dinner at The West Deck, which for the fist time on our trip, was completely packed. A popular beach-front shack featuring tapas-style local dishes and fruity cocktails. We enjoyed fungi, fresh grouper, Balashi (the locally brewed beer) and fresh passionfruit margaritas. After watching the so-beautiful-it-looks-fake sunset, we called it a night.

The next day we decided to have a Patrick-day and Maja-day, where we spend time apart to do whatever we want independently. Patrick spent the day finishing and launching the Primaries website with Parakeet, and I arranged an island tour for myself. My tour guide, J, is a cancer surviver, junior architect, motivational speaker, and part time tour guide. After picking me up in his open air Jeep painted like a tiger, we spent the next four hours together circumnavigating the entire island and getting to know each other.

We climbed down a narrow wooden ladder into the Natural Pool at Boca, a small pool of water hidden inside an oceanside cave. We went off-roading through the entire Arikok National Park, plowing over steep rocky paths, each more tumultuous than the next. “It’s like a free massage!” J would yell, as we were slammed from side to side, smiling the entire time.

We stopped at Conchi, another natural pool, which before becoming a swimming area for tourists, was used by fisherman to raise sea turtles until capturing them for food became illegal.

We crawled through the Guadirkiki Caves, filled with native cave paintings, legends of trapped souls, and many, many bats.

We climbed over the Breathing Rocks to hear them sigh as the ocean flowed in and out below them. We explored the Bushiribana Gold Mill Ruins, where 3 million pounds of Aruban gold was processed starting in 1824.

We saw the chapel of Alto Vista which was completed in 1952 and stands on the same location as the original, built in 1750.

We drove by Boca Catalina, the blackstone beach, Eagle beach, and just about every other beach on the island. We drove past the Wish Garden, where thousands of tourists have built cairns, each rock symbolizing one of their greatest wishes as they stack them on top of each other.

We saw both lighthouses, the Northern lighthouse under remodel to allow tourists to climb to the top, and the Southern lighthouse, nothing more than a 8 foot pole with a light in a cage stuck to the top. We stopped at the oceanside pet cemetery, and walked through the hundreds of tiny handmade crosses, carefully painted with names like Fluffy and Tito.

We drove through the different neighborhoods on the island so I could get a feel for “real Aruba, not just tourist Aruba”. We went everywhere from “The Hamptons of Aruba” to the “left behind neighborhoods”, J pointing out restaurant recommendations and soccer fields he likes as we passed.

Completely happy and thoroughly dusty, J dropped me off at the Hyatt Regency where I met Patrick at the pool bar. He had spent the past two hours walking through town and taking pictures of lizards. We scarfed down a quick snack before hopping on the Dolphin for a sunset booze cruise. We sat in the front nets of the catamaran and drank the special, Aruba Ariba (vodka, rum, fruit punch, orange juice, and a splash of whiskey) as we watched the sun go down.

Back on land, we walked along the strip in front of the high rise hotels until we came across Amore Mio, where we enjoyed Napoletana style pizza. Our waiter Michael, wearing some incredible vintage hightop Nikes, gave us suggestions for Bogotá and free limoncello at the end of the night. After a scoop of Ferrero Rocher gelato next door, we headed back to our hostel for the evening.

The following morning we packed up and headed to the Airport for our next stop, Panama City. Overall, Aruba felt really touristy, but with the unbelievably clear water and perfect white sand beaches, I’ll probably return.

Here's an assorted collection of mildly interesting things I'm noticing about the Caribbean.

1. Honking is friendly, and drivers have many friends. On all the islands we've been to, the cabbies we've had (as well as other drivers we see) will often casually fire off quick honks and waves to other cab drivers, friends, people crossing the street, etc. They honk aggressively too, if needed, but in that case it's a much longer honk.
2. Both hostels we stayed at had no hot water, just cold. The "cold" water was really lukewarm, probably due to it sitting in a cistern outside in 90 degree heat, which explains the lack of need for "hot" water. Funnily, the shower and sink faucet fixtures still had both knobs, but only the cold worked. Cheaper than custom fixtures, I guess.
3. Although the Caribbean high season is supposed to be December through March, we're finding astonishingly, creepily, few people here. In St. Martin, we had a pristine, nearly 3km long beach almost to ourselves, Curaçao felt quiet after the cruise ships left, and Aruba is likewise at low-capacity. As Maja wrote, we're not sure if we're hitting a weird gap in the time after the end of high season but before spring break, or if Zika really has scared off most travelers, or if it's something else entirely... but it is sort of nice.
4. Although you can pay with USD most everywhere, you'll occasionally get change in part USD and part Florians/Guilders/Euros, which makes the in-your-head conversion impossible. It's best to carry local currency (cards aren't accepted widely, unless you're at big name places) or just be cool with getting back an indecipherable amount of change.
5. Hotel/Hostel Wi-Fi is still an unsolved problem for small businesses. All of the places we've stayed at have been using off-the-shelf routers with no real QoS control and multiple network names for different areas of the property.
6. Having only one power adaptor is proving challenging. It means we have to choose between charging our phones, the iPad, the laptop, or the extra charger we brought, which has two USB ports and can charge two devices simultaneously but can't be charged itself while charging other devices. If left alone, the fox WILL eat the chicken.

Although I enjoyed all three islands we visited, I don't think I'm long for the island lifestyle. It's too hot, too remote, the hours too undependable. Sand gets everywhere and mosquitoes are a (literal and figurative) pain.

I'm happy and excited to get back to big city life on the continent. Between continents, in fact.

Our next stop was Curaçao! The motherland of that vile blue liquor used to add unnatural color to tiki drinks and frat party punches! Patrick drank some right away.

Curaçao is part of the ABC islands bringing up the rear behind Aruba and Bonaire. It is autonomous within the Kingdom of Netherlands which means it can take whatever cute Dutch stuff it wants and leave all the other junk behind. Curaçao has rows upon rows of adorable Dutch style buildings beautifully painted with bright, pastel colors.

We stayed right by the harbor which is home to two iconic bridges, the Queen Emma and Queen Juliana. The Queen Emma is a footbridge, floating in the water to allow people to traverse back and forth between the two sides of the harbor. When a boat needs to get through, the bridge pivots off one side and swiftly sweeps open 90 degrees so the boat can travel past. Like the magical staircases at Hogwarts. Naturally, Patrick and I sat and watched the bridge swing open and shut a number of times. The locals call the bridge The Swinging Old Lady. What a sense of humor.

The Queen Juliana bridge boasts to be the tallest in the Caribbean at 185’ tall. It’s pretty neat, but not as neat as the bridge that swings open.

Curaçao is hot. Upon landing and again clearing customs and immigration alarmingly fast (no words were spoken) we sweated our way through the 20 minute cab ride to our hostel. Driving down the dry, bright, and colorful roads we passed dozens of slightly rundown roadside strip malls filled with weird stores that I desperately wanted to visit. For example we passed a furniture store that featured children’s bunkbeds shaped like firetrucks and boats and I thought, “How cute, I love bunkbeds!”.

We arrived at our hostel, The Ritz, because when we came across it online we said, “Wouldn’t it be so funny if we…” and we did. The Ritz used to be an ice cream factory and was restored with a brightly colored exterior, sweet little pool area, and pool bar. A friendly staff member in his faded pink Ritz polo led us to our room (private double with ensuite bathroom) where we were greeted with, get ready for it, bunkbeds. And not like, "Oh! Bunkbeds!" like, "Oh... bunkbeds."

We left the hostel in search of food, and quickly settled into a nice waterfront bar/tourist trap called the Iguana Bar or something. We were joined by loads of squishy cruise ship passengers, lanyards swinging proudly around their necks, as they went lumbering by to catch the ferry back to their mothership. Of course, Patrick and I spent the rest of our lunch discussing how badly we wanted to go on a cruise and where should we go and when and so on. We spent the rest of the afternoon walking along the waterfront and surrounding streets before closing out the night splitting six tiny Polar beers and spaghetti at our pool bar.

Saturday we went exploring. I wanted to try the Cafe Copacabana for lunch and with a lot of luck (none of the streets are labeled) we found it. We enjoyed Amstel Brights (not a typo) and sandwiches while seated in a beautiful square intersection of four alleyways with colorful murals on the walls.

We visited the Maritime Museum and tried to visit the Postal Museum and Kura Hulanda Museum (both were closed).

We walked through the oldest synagogue in the western hemisphere with a sand floor, which was preparing for a wedding that night. The security guard, with a hand gun loosely tucked in his pants pocket, explained it was another American couple who was flying here to get married in the synagogue. “It’s always Americans,” he sighed.

We walked through the floating market, where the fish and vegetables are so fresh they don’t even unload them off the boats. The proprietors just pull up in the harbor and you can buy right off the boat.

After the cruise ships left the town emptied a considerable amount. Everywhere we’ve been has felt really, really empty. We’re wondering if it’s offseason? Or Zika scared everyone? Either way, both St. Martin and Curaçao have been really quiet.

That evening we hopped in a cab to go a few miles down the beach to check out the Kontiki Beach Resort. It was gorgeous. We took a self guided tour through the hotel property and marveled at the millions of dollars of ferns, palms, and giant flowering tropical plants the resort had installed to add privacy and ambiance to the beautiful “rooms”. I say “rooms” because they were like mansion versions of the Robinson Curuso treehouse. Sprinkled in were beautiful saltwater pools, connect via a narrow stream covered in stone footbridges. This place was stunning.

We kept walking until we found the hotel restaurant, which was dead. It looked closed. It was 6:30pm, on a Saturday, we were a resort bar and there is no one else there. When the waiter asked us if we had a reservation I almost snorted. The food was awful, even the wine was bad, and we quickly departed. We walked along the beach to the neighboring resort which was more like a small city.  Every shopping whim, style of restaurant (sushi, indian, pizza, BBQ, crepes, Dutch, American, etc) and activity (everything from design your own flip flops to a real tattoo shop) were provided so the guests would never have to leave the property. I was surprised to find I was looking forward to returning to our dinky little hostel.

The next morning after breakfast (Patrick ordered The Canadian complete with pancakes and maple syrup, of course) we packed up and shipped out to the airport. Overall I enjoyed Curaçao. There was a ton of the island we didn’t see, but based on our small taste I think we’d prefer to explore another Caribbean island before heading back.

Sunday night after a 30 minute delay at the airport we departed on our first flight to JFK. After landing at 6:30am, we grabbed some muffins and got in line for our next flight to St. Maarten. Before we could take off, three drunk passengers were removed from the plane for “harassing other passengers on the jetway”. After they, and their bags, were removed we headed out onto the runway. We were ready to take off when the pilot made an announcement that one of the drunkards had left one of their bags onboard, and for safety, we would be returning to the gate to hand it over. You have to appreciate vacationers so drunk at 9am they can’t keep track of their luggage or common sense.

Our landing into St. Maarten was cinematic. The plane almost clipping the tops of the tall palm trees lining Maho Beach, where tourists stand in hopes of being knocked off their feet by the jet blasts. Apparently this makes for a pretty great Youtube.

Customs took 15 seconds, I don’t even think we went through immigration, and we were quickly in a cab on our way to Grand Case on the other side of the island. St. Martin is split in two halves, the Dutch side (where the airport and cruise ships land) and the French side (where our hotel was). Our cab driver, Tony, upon hearing it was our first time to the island, berated us with with “What is wrong with you?” not accepting our typical excuses of “we’ve never had the time!” and “it’s far from where we live!” until we gave up and told him we were just dumb, irrational people. This answer he accepted.

We pulled onto Grand Case Boulevard, a beautiful road sprinkled with idillic restaurants, tiny bodegas, and local clothing stores. The buildings, once brightly colored, were beautifully faded and patinaed by the weather.

Our hotel, The Love Hotel (when we were booking this name made me cringe, but by the end of our stay I began to, well, love it) was a perfect small beach-front property. With white walls and dark wood furniture, it stood out to us as the gem of the beach. It was modern, unpretentious, and relaxed. One of the owners, Muriel, showed us to our cozy room, separated from the beach by only a tiny rickety staircase. Open the large sliding exterior door and the beach was right there.

We spent the next few days taking walks on the beach and exploring Grand Case. We would go to the hotel’s beach front bar most mornings for breakfast, in the afternoon for happy hour, and occasionally for dinner. We visited the local BBQ shack “The Talk of the Town” twice, dined in two upscale french restaurants (Grand Case is the culinary center of the island) and on our last night ate the best pizza I’ve ever had at a beach-front diner called Bulldog.

Patrick enjoyed bottles of Carib, the local beer (brewed in Trinidad and Tobago) which describes itself as “…a balanced, full-bodied and distinctively smooth lager that takes ‘refreshing’ to another level.’” I sampled a number of strange “house made rums” which as far as I can tell were made by locals put rum into a bottle, adding some other ingredients and then calling it “house made”. The strangest of all being Guavaberry Rum. A local legend, made on the island, from oak aged rum, cane sugar, and wild guavaberries. It does not taste at all like berries, but instead is kind of woody and bitter, like grapes mixed with Fernet.

We explored the Dutch side of the island, which felt like a cuter version of Fishermans Wharf in San Francisco, and hiked to Happy Beach, a beautiful secluded beach 30 minutes from our hotel. We had drinks in Friar’s Bay, at a beach bar where I could have easily spent the entire week.

St. Martin was beautiful, picturesque, and relaxing. It was the perfect way to start the trip, and I definitely want to go back.

I think it best to start with our plan. The first (long) leg of our 2016 trip is intentionally loosey-goosey, but when mapped it looks something like this:

We’ve started by leaving Portland and San Francisco though NYC, jetting down to St Martin. We plan to work our way around the Caribbean islands before heading back to the mainland through Belize. We’ll then head down to South America through Panama. This is where it starts to get a even more hazy.

We really want to see Quito, Lima, and Santiago. We’ll likely then head to Buenos Aires for a little while before heading back up South America to Brazil. From Brazil, we’ll fly to Cape Town for what will likely be a few weeks. We’ll then head up to upper Africa and eventually tour around South Europe before arriving in Copenhagen for most of July. Here’s a (totally incomplete) list of places we’d love to visit in the months we’d be there:

March - April: Central America

• St. John’s
• St. Bart’s
• Grenada
• St. Lucia
• Trinidad & Tobago
• Barbados
• Bahamas
• Belize
• Panama

April - May: South America

• Quito
• Galapagos
• Lima
• La Paz
• Santiago
• Buenos Aires
• Rio
• São Paulo

May - June: Africa/Mid East

• Cape Town
• Johannesburg
• Nairobi
• Cairo
• Tel Aviv
• Marrakech/Casablanca

June - July - South Europe

• Porto
• Seville
• Madrid
• Barcelona
• Marseille
• Nice
• Monaco
• Naples
• Palermo
• Amalfi Coast
• Athens
• Sardinia
• Split
• Dubrovnik
• Copenhagen

At the end of July, we’ll be returning to the west coast of the United States for a few weddings and to plan the remainder of the trip, which will include mostly Japan, China, SE Asia, and India.

Along the way we’ll be posting plenty of photos and stories, so feel free to follow along.

If you have any recommendations, warnings, or other advice to share, please send it our way!